Fun and Games at Smash Mansion, PART 2
by secretz21
Summary: The Smashers are back. Our favorite princesses and swordsmen have returned after a hiatus to new rules, new characters, and new relationship statuses. Multiple hetero pairings, such as IkexPeach, LinkxZelda, PitxSamus, etc. Rated M for adult themes, HEAVY LANGUAGE, sex, and drinking/drugs.
1. Surprise

**Author Note:**

 **We. Are. BACK, bitches. I am so so so so so so sorry it took me forever to write this sequel, and I'm not even close to done with this! It's a major work in progress. I'm relying on lots of reader feedback to help me continue it. I have a lot written already as backup though. Don't worry.**

 **It has been two years since part 1 came to a close. I apologize for this, again. Since then, a new SSB game has come out. I WILL use a few new characters, but not all since there are so many and I don't own the game so I am not too familiar with their antics or behaviors. If you want me to add or remove some, let me know. I'm very open to your suggestions.**

 **I hope people still care about this! I intend to release these in weekly installments. I cannot do daily like I did last time.**

 **Anyways, again, rated MA for language, alcohol use, probably drug use, and also sex. Enjoy!**

The holidays were drawing to a close. The extended two-month vacation gave the Brawlers the rest they needed, but it was time to leave their respective worlds and return to the Smash Mansion. Unfortunately, a lot can change in two months, and going home could mean a return to old habits.

"We must never speak of this to anyone." Peach tied her silk robe tightly at her waist. "This didn't happen, and this can't happen again." She crossed her arms.

"Relax," a low growl assured her. "I won't tell."

Princess Peach sighed happily. She walked over to the fireplace and cuddled into her companion's arms. "How can I trust you, Bowser?"

"You can't," he lay back by the fire, completely satiated. "I can't believe we have to go back tomorrow. Do you think anyone will think it's weird that we go in together?"

"I hope not. But like, Mario didn't even come save me this time."

"Well, for one, I took over your castle this time," he opened his hands to show the surrounding area. "And two, it's the fucking holidays. Even plumbers take the day off."

"Still," Peach sat up. "Your little minions haven't even heard anything? It's just weird."

"Oh, Princess, don't expect the entire Mushroom Kingdom to have an aneurysm every time I stop by. I think they know by now."

"That's so bad!" She frowned, but smiled once Bowser took her face with his hand. "Well…as long as the boys in Altea don't know." She kissed him.

"I'm going to be honest, I just wanted to spend Christmas with you," he grinned.

"Oh, yeah. Taking me hostage. What a great gift."

Bowser just laughed and pulled her in for another kiss. The two came together again, completely forgetting about a certain blue-haired mercenary anxiously waiting to see his princess again the next day.

It was a surprisingly warm January morning, good weather for the Brawlers who had to haul back their suitcases loaded with gifts and winter sweaters. Everyone was excited to see each other again. Master Hand stood in the foyer and wished a happy New Year to anyone who entered, passing out champagne to the older residents.

"Ahh," Princess Zelda happily accepted a flute from Master Hand and turned to Link. "Doesn't this remind you of the cruise?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking of," Link clinked glasses with her.

"Ugh, move aside," Samus pushed her way between them and went right for the champagne.

Master Hand greeted her warmly, "Miss Aran! Good to see you. Here's to a Happy-"

"Cut the shit," Samus snapped. She grabbed two flutes.

"When did Pit start drinking?" Link asked.

Samus whipped around and glared at Link with icy, cold eyes. The corner of her mouth was turned slightly upward in a snarl. She quickly downed both drinks, grabbed her bags, and stormed upstairs.

Zelda's eyes widened, "What did you say?"

"I don't know. You were here." Link shrugged and took his princess's hand. "Screw it. Let's just go see if we can get our own room." They went upstairs.

As it was a day of arrival, the duo of Marth and Ike took their usual setup near the front door with a cooler of beers to make fun of everyone. They kicked up their feet and got ready for a show.

"How's it going with uh…with whats-her-face?" Ike asked.

"You fucking kidding me, right? You don't know her name?" Marth shook his head. "Unbelievable."

"Like anyone does," Ike laughed to himself and pointed to a short dude in a blue helmet. "Who is that?"

Marth squinted and leaned forward. "You know…I have no idea. Call him over."

Ike whistled to Blue Helmet and waved him over. "Hey! Who are you?"

Blue Helmet approached them warily, "I'm Mega Man."

Ike shot Marth a look. "No fucking way! Are you joining us in Brawl?"

Mega Man nodded, "I think they're getting started on the next installment, so they're bringing us in." He tipped his helmet at the swordsmen and plodded off.

Link and Zelda joined the two right then, as they were freaking out excitedly over possible new members. Link grabbed a beer for himself and leaned back against the couch with an arm around Zelda.

"Dude," Ike shook Link's shoulders. "We could get new girls."

Link rolled his eyes, "Why didn't we get this a few months ago?"

Zelda giggled, "Do I have to be worried?"

"No," Link kissed her cheek. "Well, maybe Peach should be," he winked at his friend.

Ike shook his head, "No way. I said I'd commit and I will. But damn, it'll be nice to have more eye candy around here."

"How is Princess Toadstool, by the way?" Marth asked.

Ike shrugged, "To be honest, I didn't see her much over break. I was always doing shit with you-" he shoved Marth to prove his point. "And when I tried to get over to the Mushroom Kingdom for Christmas, she got fucking kidnapped."

"Ouch, what timing," Marth cracked another Sam Adams. "I see her ex is still an ass."

"He _is_ evil," Zelda noted. "Oh, my God she's here!"

Zelda stood up and ran over to her best friend for a hug. It appeared all the Mushroom Kingdom characters arrived together, such as Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, and of course, Bowser.

The girls sauntered back to the couch hand-in-hand. Peach had given her bags to Mario to take upstairs, as retribution for not saving her the past week. She squealed happily once seeing Ike and hopped onto his lap, peppering his face with little kisses.

"Way to pay me a visit!" She teased.

"I tried! But that asshole closed off half your fucking kingdom," Ike pointed at Bowser.

"Shut up, prick," Bowser roared from a distance. "She's technically still my hostage."

"Keep walking, turtle," Ike tapped his sword, hoping to remind Bowser of their fight.

Bowser grumbled and walked away, but not without pushing aside someone in the foyer as hard as he could. The friends looked up to see who was pushed and saw a very familiar angel.

"Hey guys!" Pit flew over to them, rubbing his arm. "Boy, he doesn't like people in his way, huh?"

"Sit," Peach patted the couch beside her. "Tell me everything."

"About what?" Pit asked, confused.

"Wait," Link interrupted. "Where the hell is Samus? She was so pissed when we saw her earlier."

Pit turned red and looked down, "I'd like to go upstairs now."

Peach was beyond intrigued, "No. Stay. We're going to find out sooner or later."

The angel focused on an imaginary spot on the floor. Very quietly, he spoke up, "I thought you guys knew."

"Did she fucking die or something? Out with it," Ike blurted.

Pit sighed dramatically, "We aren't together anymore."

Everyone was taken aback. The friends sat there in shock for a few seconds.

"Well that's fucking awkward," Marth slid Pit a beer.

Pit politely declined. "Yeah, it just became too much. Neither of us were ready."

"That's sad," Zelda pat his shoulder. "You two were the cutest."

Peach already had her phone out and was Snapchatting her reaction to everyone.

"Yeah man, let us know if you need a- WOAH! Ike!" Marth's attention shifted to the front door. "Check her out!"

A very pale, fit woman walked through the door. She passed on Master Hand's champagne. She was carrying only a light duffel bag and a rolled-up yoga mat.

"Hello there!" Ike shouted, causing Peach to giggle at his lewdness.

"Hi," the new girl approached the group.

"Welcome to the Smash Mansion," Marth grinned at her. "What's your name?"

She smiled coyly, "I'm a Wii Fit trainer."

"Nice, nice, I can tell," Marth winked. "But what's your name?"

"Wii Fit?" Zelda's eyes twinkled. "I love yoga!"

"Oh, that's great," the trainer smiled sweetly. "Maybe we could have a session together sometime." She glanced at the others, "It was nice to meet you all, but I have to go set up my room." She went upstairs without another word.

"Nice going, Princess," Marth huffed. "I couldn't get her name."

"Please," Zelda rolled her eyes. "It would never happen."

Marth sighed, "Yeah. You're right." His sadness evaporated instantly once he saw a radiant light appear at the door. He sat up and pushed his hair out of his eyes, trying to get a better look. "Whoa. Check _that_ out."

A tall blonde in a teal dress seemed to float into the room. She was giggling and playing with a fat yellow star that was flying around her head. Her laughter chimed like tiny brass bells, drawing the attention of everyone in the hall.

"Oh, this bitch," Peach huffed and crossed her arms. "Heaven forbid I want a break from her."

"Who is that?" Ike asked.

"Why? You think she's pretty?" Daggers shot out of Peach's eyes.

"Hell yeah he does," Marth teased. "She's stunning."

"Her lips look fake," Zelda made a feeble attempt of cheering Peach up by putting the mystery girl down.

"Princess Toadstool!" The girl floated excitedly to the group of friends. "I can't believe you're here! With me! This is going to be so fun! I'm so glad to see you!" She opened her arms for a hug.

Peach shut her eyes tight and counted to three. Then she stood up with the biggest fake smile plastered onto her perfect face. "Oh my God! Roz! I didn't know you were coming! This is the best day ever!" She gave her a huge hug.

"I know, I know," Roz beamed. "Oh, my God, is this him?" She pointed to Ike, then she frowned. "Wait I thought you were with-"

"Yup, yeah, this is him," Peach quickly interrupted her. "This is Ike. My boyfriend. Everyone, this is Rosalina."

Marth hopped up immediately. "It is so great to meet you." His eyes were shining with lust as he shook her hand.

The star whispered something in Rosalina's ear. "I'm sorry guys, I'd love to stay and chat, but Luma really wants to go see the room. It was great meeting you all! Peach, we should really catch up later." Rosalina said sincerely, holding a hand to her heart.

"Love to! Okay, bye!" Peach waved. The second Rosalina was out of earshot, she flopped back down on the couch. "What a cunt."

"She seemed nice," Pit whispered meekly.

Peach gave him a death glare. "You have no idea."

"Whatever. We need another cute princess around here." Marth argued.

"I think we have enough," the white knight, Link, defended. "But I think we should take a vote on who Pit is going to bone next."

Pit reddened while everyone else laughed and gave their suggestions. Luma's name came up more than anything. But before the group could start really having a good time, Bowser stomped back into the hall.

"Princess!" he called out to Peach. "He's here."

"Oh," Peach stood up and wrung her hands nervously. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you guys…Especially you, Ike. I never got a chance before, I-"

Zelda gasped and looked towards the front door. "What is that?"

A small fire-breathing Koopa ran into the hall and under Master Hand. His magical witch caretakers ensured he was safely inside the mansion before leaving. The little Koopa dashed around a bit more before catching sight of the group of friends.

"Mommy!" He squealed, running into her arms.

"Hi, baby," Peach cooed, giving him a hug. She ruffled the little tuft of hair on his head then stood up to address her friends. "Everyone, this is Bowser, Jr."


	2. Rules

**Posting a day early bc I have a test and events this weekend so I'm not sure I'll have enough time to properly edit the next chapter. This chapter is kind of lame because I have to establish the groundwork for the ~tension~ in this fic.**

 **Anyways, enjoy the best you can and please let me know if you want me to add or change anything!**

* * *

The group stared. They stared and stared. They watched the raucous little Koopa bounce around for a second before running right to his father. Bowser seemed annoyed at the tiny troll of a child, but took him under his arm and led him probably to one of his evil meetings.

"When were you going to tell me?" Ike finally blurted out.

"This…I never thought it would be an issue." Peach said, her voice filled with anxiety.

"An issue? I can't-" Ike stopped short, suddenly very aware of all the eyes on him. He needed to be alone. His mind was about to explode. He stood up and grabbed Peach by the forearm. "We need to talk. Somewhere private." The two went upstairs.

Samus lay on her bed in her room, tossing Kirby up in the air like a ball. Kirby was having the time of his life. Samus, on the other hand, was just trying to make sure she didn't angrily slam Kirby against the walls. Still, this was stress relieving.

Samus thought about Pit. She hadn't seen him yet, nor did she want to. The idea of running into him filled her with dread, even though it was bound to happen. She also really did not want to see any of those smug little gossipy assholes downstairs. Their little clique absolutely frustrated the shit out of her, and she couldn't believe she was even friends with them just a few months prior.

* * *

She got up, letting Kirby puff down gently onto her blankets. Samus went directly to her closet. She hadn't unpacked, but just stuffed her suitcases inside. She pulled out a paper bag, which held a heavy wooden box. Her fingertips grazed over the inscription on the top, but her eyes blurred over with tears before she could re-read it for the millionth time.

"Fuck this. Fuck him. Fuck all of them," Samus shoved the box into the very back of the closet.

Kirby was not amused with her language. He hopped over to her side and tapped her angrily on her shin, scolding her.

"Sorry," Samus wiped her eyes and pet Kirby's head. "I just wanted a drink but the only thing I have is in that stupid box Pit gave me."

Kirby pulled out his hammer and held it up in the air, causing Samus to smile. "Yeah," she nodded. "You wanna go fight? That sounds so good right now."

The odd pair went out to the arena to practice some matches. They couldn't even get two fights in before a ringing sound came over the speakers of the estate.

"All personnel please report to the main auditorium for a mandatory meeting. All personnel," Master Hand's voice came through the intercom. "This includes all of the Brawlers. You have five minutes."

Kirby cursed in annoyance.

* * *

Ike paced the room. He had taken off most of his armor and weapons and laid them on the bed- his mind already heavy enough. He couldn't even look at Peach, who was timidly biting her nails by the window. Not very princess-like.

"I have a right to be mad, don't I? Yeah," Ike said aloud. "Like this came out of nowhere. You never, ever once mentioned him. Not even when you and Bowser broke up. Not over Christmas – never. What the fuck, Princess?"

"I'm sorry," Peach dropped her hand. "I really never thought it would be relevant."

"Okay, that's where I'm confused," Ike looked her in the eyes. "How could you not think this was important? Like if I had a fucking evil spawn I would definitely tell people. Especially the person I'm dating."

"He's not evil," Peach said quietly.

"Princess, he looks exactly like Bowser. He's probably got all of his genes too."

"Look, again, I'm sorry. He's barely my kid. Bowser has full custody, but he usually sends Junior to the Koopa Academy for training so he doesn't see him much either."

Ike frowned, "Okay, before I get into how fucked this is…you don't even have custody of your own son? What kind of heroin were you on when you had this kid?"

Peach sighed. "That's why I never told anyone this before. Yes, he is my child, but only because I gave birth to him."

"That is literally the definition of a child. But okay."

"No, see why this is so tough to explain?" Peach approached him and tried to put her hands on his chest. Ike backed off. Hurt, Peach sighed and went back to her spot by the window. "Bowser went through this…phase while we dated. There was a time when he was genuinely concerned about having an heir to his throne. He gathered up all the best minds in his kingdom and had them work on furthering his line."

Ike arched an eyebrow, "What? Were you…could you not…?" he eyed her stomach.

"I'm fine, Ike," she seemed offended that he even insinuated that she was sterile. "So eventually they found a way to clone him, but the clone would have to start from a single cell and grow over time."

"Like in _Star Wars_."

"What?"

"You know. The clone army. They were raised in a lab from single cells and had fast growth times. In like ten years the Republic had this huge army of clone Stormtroopers and-"

"Enough," Peach cut Ike off before he could geek out. "I only watched those movies for the hot guy with the lightsaber."

Ike had to bite his tongue to restrain himself from explaining how wrong she was.

"Anyways, they weren't going to raise this cell in a lab. It needed a host to grow in." Peach pointed to herself.

"Oh, gross," Ike made a face of disgust. "I thought this was going to be some beautiful story about how Bowser knocked you up and you pushed out his disgusting fetus through the miracle of goddamn life. How did you agree to this?"

"I didn't. Bowser got it in me without my knowledge."

"So you just woke up pregnant one day?"

"Yeah, essentially. I was so mad at him."

Ike was incredulous. "Do you hear how ridiculous this sounds? He forcefully impregnated you and you think this is just casual?"

"No, I was mad. I didn't talk to him for like, a day."

Ike laughed. He seemed so relieved. He shook his head and just laughed. "I can't believe I was so pissed at you. I thought this was some big thing. I thought I was going to have to break up with you for lying to me. Oh, man," he sighed.

"See why I didn't think this was important?" Peach seemed more at ease as well.

"Yeah," he opened his arms to draw her in for a hug. "God, Peach, you're such a good girl. I'm sorry I was so pissy. You're so good to me."

Peach tensed, feeling some guilt over her holiday romps with Bowser. "Well, I was still hiding a secret child from you."

"It's fine. It's not your fault. He's just a little Boba Fett."

"Again…what?"

Ike grinned, "I have to rewatch _Star Wars_ with you." He kissed her. "So you aren't hiding anything else from me? Huh? A daughter or twin or something?"

Peach thought for a moment. This was it. This was her chance to come clean with Ike. She had to before they get any farther into this. But, her thoughts were interrupted by a ringing sound coming from the speakers in the halls.

"All personnel please report to the main auditorium for a mandatory meeting. All personnel," Master Hand's voice came through the intercom. "This includes all of the Brawlers. You have five minutes."

"Crap, what does he want now?" Ike took her hand. "Come on."

* * *

Link and Zelda were sitting together in the auditorium. The two were holding hands and looking deeply into each other's eyes, reminiscing quietly over their Christmas break. They were completely oblivious to the outside world.

"Hey, earth to Link," Marth snapped his fingers in front of his face. "Way to save us seats."

"What? Oh, sorry," Link came back to reality. "There's seats in the front."

"No one wants to fucking sit there." Marth grumbled.

"Your boyfriend is there," Link pointed to Pit.

Marth shoved past Link, making sure the base of his sword smacked Link upside the head as he walked by. He took a seat next to Pit. "Please don't tell me you're planning on taking notes again."

Pit shrugged, "I overheard from the Villager that Master Hand has something really important to say. I don't want to miss out."

Ike plopped down in the seat next to Marth. He took Pit's notes and rolled them up into a tube. He pressed the end of the tube against Pit's ear. "NO ONE CARES!" He shouted into it.

"Ow," Pit snatched the papers back and rubbed his ear. "Fine. But don't run to me when you need a reminder about what Master Hand said."

"Ooo, what am I gonna do?" Ike rolled his eyes. "Where's Peach?"

"Didn't you come with her?" Marth looked around. "Also, what the fuck, dude. A kid? Bowser's kid?"

"Long story." Ike waved it off. "But Bowser Jr. is basically Boba Fett."

Marth nodded, understanding. Pit was confused but he decided against saying anything. He vowed this season not to get involved in any of his friends' drama. It was a waste of time and ended up hurting everyone. He was better than this.

Peach was near the back of the room with Zelda. She had pushed some Pokemon out from the seats near her best friend so she could not only sit down, but also put her feet up.

"Did he take it well?" Zelda asked.

"Yeah, he actually really understood." Peach said.

"Wait," Link leaned forward. "Z knew too?"

"Peach can't hide anything from me," Zelda then turned to glare at Peach. "Anything."

Peach frowned. "Drop it."

The Hylian princess shrugged, "Fine, but don't come crying to me when he finds out your winter break stories."

The princesses stopped their discussion as Master Hand entered the room and took his place at the front. Samus had just slipped in from a side door, Kirby and Pikachu with her. Everyone quieted down.

Master Hand cleared his throat, "Thank you all for being here this afternoon."

"Like we had a choice," Ike muttered.

Master Hand ignored the mercenary. "I wanted to welcome you all again to the new season of the Smash Tournament. Since last year was such a success, we are adding a slew of new characters. I hope you all have had a chance to meet each other."

The sound of a video game blasted from one of the seats in the room. Everyone turned to look at the source: Bowser Jr. Bowser snatched the phone from his hand and turned it off. He saw everyone staring and turned red.

Bowser Jr. wasn't having it. He reached for the phone and whined. "No games right now," Bowser angrily whispered.

"Is everything under control?" Master Hand yelled from his spot.

"All good," Bowser sunk in his seat in embarrassment.

"Okay," Master Hand continued. "So yes, although last year there was success, we had a major issue with our overhead. We completely went over budget with our in-house expenses. This should not be happening. We are here to fight. This is not a boarding school. Yes, you all can have fun, but we have to control our spending. So from now on, we are imposing new rules and regulations in order to get us back on track."

Master Hand pointed to a sheet of paper hanging on the wall. "We are posting these in all common areas so you remember them. First of all, Brawlers must fight at least once a day."

"We already did that," Fox piped up.

"Yes, but every day." Master Hand clarified. "This means no breaks. No breaks means no vacations. Last season, some Brawlers thought they could take weekends off and go out of town…"

"If you're going to subtweet me why don't you me?" Peach mumbled while scrolling through her Twitter.

"So no more vacations. You must stay on grounds until the season is over. If you must leave grounds, you have to submit a request through my office." Master Hand declared. "This leads right into the next rule. Since you all should not leave the mansion, others shouldn't visit. There will be no visitors from home worlds this season."

"What?" Now Marth was pissed. "That's not fair!"

"It is very fair," Master Hand reiterated. "It's too much of a distraction and we already have so many people to take care of."

"Then why did you add so many new characters?" Marth argued.

"The new characters contribute to the economy of the tournament. They bring in money, they do their part. Guests and visitors simply leech money. There's no other way to say it. It's a business." Master Hand explained.

"That is so fucked up," Marth shook his head. "They do work too. They're just not official Brawlers. Why don't they get the same rights as we do? You can't just force them all out and build a goddamn wall around the mansion."

Ike gave Marth a look, "Are we talking about your girlfriend not being able to visit or illegal immigration?"

"I just have a lot of opinions about politics," The prince crossed his arms. He really was pissed, however, about not getting to see Caeda until the off-season.

"I know these are upsetting, but rules are rules." Master Hand moved past the outburst. "The chemistry between all of you Brawlers is very important to the success of the tournament. Last season, I was very happy to see how close some of you have gotten. Unfortunately, the closeness can also be isolating. Some of you are forming groups, little cliques, which need to be expanded. I want to see comraderies between everyone. I want the Pokemon to mingle with the princesses. I want the Mario Bros. to spend time with the Alteans. There is not enough inter-mixing of groups and I aim to encourage that."

Master Hand then launched into a list of activities he had planned for the characters. He had many ideas for team-bonding, but none of the Brawlers cared. Everyone whispered amongst their own groups, pissed they had to spend time with others. Donkey Kong didn't give a shit about Pac-Man. Yoshi gave zero fucks about Falco. And no one wanted to hang out with Mr. Game & Watch.

"Lastly, but most importantly…" Master Hand rose his voice, trying to recapture everyone's attentions. "There will be a ban on drinking, effective immediately."

The room went silent. Dead silent.

"What?!" Samus screamed, standing up from her seat. "Are you fucking serious? Is this a joke? This must be some kind of joke."

"Please sit down, Miss Aran." Master Hand motioned to her seat. "This was a very tough decision to make. Alcohol was one of our biggest expenses last year. We need to cut down on that. Plus, drinking activities cut out those that did not participate. We want the younger characters to interact with the older ones, to learn from them."

"How are we expected to even party? Oh, don't tell me parties are banned too," Link asked with a snarky attitude.

"No, parties are not banned. In fact, they are encouraged. Again, we want to include everyone at these parties." Master Hand seemed excited about the bullshit he was spewing.

"Unreal, this is fucking unreal," Marth shook his head. "We are living in a goddamn concentration camp."

"It is not nearly that bad." Master Hand defended.

Captain Falcon stood up, preparing to leave the room. "I thought the 18th amendment was repealed."

Master Hand sighed at the defiance in the auditorium. "Again, this is hard for me too. But Crazy Hand will be around your rooms soon, picking up any banned substances you may have. I suggest you open your room for search, otherwise that will be a strike against you."

"Strikes?" Someone asked.

"How could I forget? We are instituting a three-strike policy as well this season." Master Hand chirped. "After the third strike, we will be forced to kick you out."

The room filled with angry chatter. "My God," Zelda's mouth was agape in shock. "This isn't right at all."

"Marth's right. It's a goddamn concentration camp." Link added.

"We really don't need to reference Godwin's Law so soon," Zelda said.

"That's not quite Godwin's Law. That would be if I said Master Hand was literally Hitler."

"Well Master Hand is literally Hitler," Peach stood up. "I'll see you guys later. I have to go hide my Malibu."

Amidst all of the anger and protest downstairs, Samus had run back to her room, slipping out right before Captain Falcon. She sat in front of her closet, holding the wooden box in her hands. What should she do with it? Should she chug it? She couldn't…

The bounty hunter opened the box and sighed sadly at the contents- a decanter of Macallan 25 scotch, an ice ball maker with tongs, and a single whiskey tumbler. It was the greatest gift she ever received, and she obviously still treasured it very much. But she was too afraid to even drink from it. Because to do so would acknowledge how she had just walked away from Pit.

"Pikachu," she called her little mouse friend over. "Do you still have that hiding spot in the woods?"

Pikachu nodded.

Samus wrapped the box in a paper bag and again in a duffel. She handed it to Pikachu who bounded out of the mansion as fast as possible to hide it. So that was settled, but that didn't change the fact that there were still all these stupid new rules. How would the Brawlers have fun now?

* * *

 **Haha sorry about the Star Wars references and Marth's views do not represent the views of this company or the author, etc. etc. OH! I'm sorry the reveal of Bowser Jr wasn't more dramatic. I couldn't have THAT MANY issues between the couple. It was intended to be that anti-climactic, that's why I got it out of the way early.**

 **I promise the next chapter will have more actual fun. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Stash

**Woops cutting it close to my self-imposed deadline with this week's installment. I had major writer's block with this one so it's gonna be a bit more dialogue-heavy.**

* * *

Zelda and Link were lying in their bed together, simply looking at each other. They decided to share a room this season, much to the chagrin of anyone who wanted to hang out with them separately. Zelda lay cuddled in Link's arms and the hero was ever-so-gently stroking her hair.

"Do you remember that restaurant we went to? In the mountains?" Link broke the silence.

"Yes, with the gross frog legs!" Zelda brightened at the memory.

Link smiled, "I'm actually craving them so badly right now."

"I wish we could go," Zelda saddened. "It was so beautiful."

"Like you," he kissed her.

"Aw," Zelda kissed him back. "That was very cheesy."

"I don't care," Link rolled on top of her and kissed her over and over. He held her face close to his and just let their tongues move in sync. He was so unabashedly in love with her. Making her happy or spending any amount of time with her sent him absolutely reeling. She was his world, and he cursed every second of his life where he denied what they had.

Zelda ran her hands through his dirty blonde hair and further intertwined her legs with his. She also was absolutely in love with him. They spent every moment together over the break and still couldn't stand to be apart. Their sense of connection was so powerful, and she would do anything for him.

Link let his mouth trail down her face, kissing her neck and chest. His hands were running up and down her body, looking for any place to hold her. But he couldn't pick a spot because he loved every inch of her.

He started to bite lightly at her neck, causing her to let out a little whimper. She clutched onto his back just a bit tighter. This drove Link crazy. He yanked up her skirt and plunged a finger inside her, knowing full well that she would already be wet. He continued to kiss her, but with more force.

There was a knock on the door. The Hylians ignored it until it turned into pounding. "I know you're in there!" Marth's voice echoed through the room.

"Oh my God," Link mumbled against her lips. "The fuck does he want?"

"Shh," Zelda pressed her cold fingertips against the sides of his face. "Just pretend he isn't there." She locked lips with him.

"I don't care if you're knuckle deep in your girlfriend right now. Get out here and spend time with me." Marth was relentless.

Link pulled his fingers out of her and sat up immediately. His heart was racing both in embarrassment and lust. "How does he know?" He whispered to Zelda.

"Are you gonna go? Don't," Zelda pouted and tugged at his shirt.

"Let me just go see what he wants." Link got up and picked up his sword from the floor. He opened the door and pressed the edge of the sword against Marth's throat. "What the fuck is so important?"

"Whoa, calm down, bro," Marth laughed. "I see I was right about what you and Zelda were up to," he sneered at Link's glistening fingers.

Link turned red and lowered the sword, wiping his hand on his pants. "What do you want?"

"I'm bored," Marth whined. "And Caeda is mad at me because I can't visit her."

"Not my problem," Link leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

"It is your problem. Let's go find Ike and stir shit up, please. I want to go check out that hot star chick Peach hates so much."

"I'm really busy."

"No you're not, dude. You can have sex with her later, like when we're not drinking or something," Marth rolled his eyes. "Let's go find Crazy Hand's contraband stash."

Link hesitated, thinking for a moment. "That actually sounds kind of fun."

"There he is," Marth happily put his arm around his friend and walked off with him.

* * *

Pit was aimlessly flying around the house, watching people furiously hide their things and bicker with each other over dumb shit. Everything seemed dumb. And pointless. And annoying. Pit sighed, flying upside down so he could stare at the ceiling again, but he could still hear everyone. Well, back to his room he went.

In his room he could lie in his bed and stare at the ceiling without being distracted. But maybe he wanted to be distracted. He couldn't stop thinking about Samus. He had been happier earlier when he hung out with his friends but seeing her in the auditorium completely killed his good mood.

Everything went to shit when he invited her back home for Thanksgiving. It was supposed to be a holiday of fun, family, friends, and most importantly- food. However, the Panthers and the Cowboys didn't even get a chance to kick off their late afternoon football game before she left him.

Pit sighed. He had enough. There was no use moping about. He had fought to get her back too much already. He needed a break. He grabbed his weapons and headed to the gym to train.

There were few people in the gym. It was still the first day. No one wanted to work out yet. Pit caught sight of Zelda and that pale, fit woman from earlier doing yoga near the mirror. Ignoring all social boundaries, Pit bounced over to them, "Hey guys!"

"Pit!" Zelda smiled and relaxed from the pose she was in. "Training so early?"

"I've got nothing else to do," he shrugged. "Sorry if I interrupted you."

"It's fine," the Wii Fit trainer waved it off.

"Really?" Zelda asked her. "You just about decapitated that boxer dude earlier for saying hi to you." The trainer gave Zelda a look, signaling her to drop it. Zelda just rolled her eyes and returned to her conversation with Pit, "Have you seen Link, by any chance?"

"Oh, yeah, he was with Marth and Ike. They were running around and laughing about something."

"Boys," Zelda shook her head. "Why didn't you join them?"

"Eh," Pit toed the ground. He wasn't really feeling their shenanigans at the time.

"You should join us instead," the Wii Fit trainer piped up. "You like yoga? Or maybe pilates?"

"Never done it before. Could be fun," Pit said.

Zelda looked at the two of them. "You guys enjoy. I'm going to go meditate." She winked at Pit as she left.

"What…?" Pit was confused, but turned back to the trainer anyways.

Zelda watched the two start a yoga sesh while she sat cross-legged on the floor. She thought it was cute. Pit was the happiest and most optimistic of her friends. It was sad to see him so down. Maybe some time with a pretty gym junkie would help him.

"So, um, this your first time in the tournament?" Pit asked while stretching with the Wii Fit trainer.

She pursed her lips. She normally didn't like to talk during her sessions, save to give instructions or provide friendly but passive aggressive criticism to her trainees who are just trying their goddamn best to keep their balance on that annoying white board thing.

"Yeah, first time. I think they're trying to incorporate more people from the Wii universe itself. Apparently it's a big culture," she explained.

Pit grinned, "Well it's always nice to have new people."

"You know, I'm not so familiar with the place. It's really big and there's just so many characters here."

"I could show you around sometime. It's normally really fun, but I'm worried the new rules might make people upset."

"I don't mind them. I don't even drink anyways." She pointed to the bottle of disgusting green crap next to her mat.

"Oh, really?" Pit straightened up. "Me neither."

The Wii Fit trainer cocked her head and smiled at him, some pink color appearing on her face, "Good to know we have something in common."

Zelda smiled to herself, listening to the whole thing. The seeds had been planted.

* * *

Ike, Marth, and Link were sneaking around the halls, looking for the stash of banned substances that Crazy Hand was collecting. This was the perfect time to look for it, since Crazy Hand was out collecting. He never let anyone in his office, and no one dared go in. Every time he would find something, a Pikmin would carry it back to the stash. They just needed to follow the Pikmin.

"Look," Ike pointed to the little creature carrying a plastic bag of something to a closed door. "That's the office."

"Okay, Link, you go distract it. I'll prop open the door," Marth planned. The three were hiding behind the corner near the office.

"Why do I have to distract it? I'm gonna run inside," Link frowned.

"Because you're nimble as fuck." Ike shoved him out from behind the corner.

Link practically fell forward, stumbling as he tried to stand up straight. "Fuck you guys," he brushed himself off. He looked around for the little Pikmin so he could draw his attention, but instead just felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Hello there," Rosalina smiled politely at Link.

Link looked around for the Pikmin. Crap. He couldn't find it anywhere. "We lost it, guys," Link shouted, ignoring Rosalina.

But the Alteans could not ignore her. They emerged from their hiding spot and turned on their charm. "What's up, Rosalina? What brings you here?" Marth grinned at her.

She giggled, loving the attention. "I saw you three hiding. I just wanted in on the fun."

"We're trying to sneak into Crazy Hand's office to steal back our alcohol." Ike explained, pointing to the locked door. "You have anything confiscated?"

"No, I'm good at protecting what's mine," she aimlessly played with the ends of her hair. "Why don't I send Luma in there? He can open the door from the inside."

"Would you?" Ike grew excited. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Relax," she put her hand on his shoulder, causing him to melt. "Besides, I enjoy a little danger."

Ike shot Marth a look. Link rolled his eyes. It wasn't long ago that he was in their shoes, but he was so infatuated with Zelda he couldn't even consider other girls. "Alright," Link crossed his arms. "You two get your thumbs out of your asses and focus on spotting another Pikmin."

Almost instantaneously, another Pikmin appeared. The Brawlers were quick to move this time, distracting it enough for Luma to slip in through the door. Once the coast was clear, the star unlocked the door and everyone slipped inside. The treasure awaited them.

"Oh, my God," Ike picked up a small baggie. "Who is bringing weed in here?"

"No way," Marth assessed the contents of the bag. "Ugh, this is cheap shit."

"We're not all princes. We can't afford cocaine," Ike snatched the weed back and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Wow, everyone has really shitty taste," Link kicked at the bottles of Burnett's and Bowman's. "I was hoping for some good stuff." He did pick up some cider for Zelda.

Rosalina watched the men poke around. Her eyes shot carefully between them, considering her options. "Wait, where's the angel?" She finally spoke.

The three stopped what they were doing and looked up at her. "Ew, are you talking about Pit?" Ike asked.

"Yes, him, where is he? I saw him with you boys earlier."

Marth seemed annoyed. "He's probably jerking off with his tears upstairs. Do you like him or something?"

Rosalina giggled, "He's kind of cute."

"Trust me, you're wasting your time." Marth waved a bottle of wine at her. "Here, you seem like a classy lady. Want to help me with this?"

Rosalina shrugged. She had nothing better to do, so she followed him out.

"He's really fucking gay," Ike said after the two left. "I bet they're going upstairs to talk about their feelings and shit."

"I like a good red now and then," Link said quietly.

"I don't like this version of you," Ike snatched a cider from him and left. He texted Peach to find out where she was and went to go meet her in a common area near her room. Unfortunately, he didn't ask who she was with, as he walked in on an unpleasant family gathering.

"Hey, Ike!" Peach smiled at her boyfriend as he arrived. She was hanging out with Bowser and Bowser Jr. on the couch, reading a book.

"Hi," Ike pursed his lips. "What's going on here?"

"Just intermingling, as Master Hand said," she rolled her eyes. "What you got there?"

Ike opened his jacket, which he was holding closed. "Oh, I brought you something." He flashed the bottle of Apple Orchard at her. "This is probably not the best place to drink it though. Want to go upstairs?"

"That's illegal!" Bowser Jr. pointed at Ike and shouted rather loudly.

Ike's eyes widened. What a little shit.

"You're right," Bowser sneered. "He could get kicked out for that." He scooted a little closer to Peach.

"Then we should protect him, shouldn't we? He's our friend." Peach stood up and held onto Ike's arm. "Sorry about that," she whispered as they walked away. "But thank you for the cider."

"Nah, I should have waited to show you. But why are you hanging out with them?"

Peach stopped in her tracks, almost offended. "Ike, that's my son."

"Yeah, but not really."

She continued walking alongside him, arms crossed now. "I just feel like I need to give him some attention too, you know? So he doesn't turn out completely evil."

"He's pretty much already evil." Ike entered his room and motioned for her to come inside.

"What are you saying? So I should just leave him alone now?" Peach was growing frustrated. She thought he would understand, especially since he seemed chill about it earlier.

"No, no, I get it. You can spend time with him. I'm not stopping you," Ike put his hands on her shoulders to calm her. "But do you have to do it with Bowser there?"

Peach pushed him away. "Of course I do! He's the father!"

Ike rubbed his temples, kind of pissed now. "I thought we established earlier that he's just a fucking Boba Fett."

"I don't know what that means!" Peach yelled, incredibly angry. Why was he being so fucking slow? "I have to take responsibility for this kid."

"Princess, you're way too young to be doing the mom thing. Besides, you never cared about him before!"

"Well he's here now and I'm going to give him my attention, whether you like it or not!" She was furious, her hands balled up in tiny fists.

Ike remained calm, "I'm just worried about you spending all this time with Bowser. It really doesn't look like you hate him anymore."

"I never hated him."

"Whatever, forget this," Ike sat down on his bed. "Just come here. Drink your cider."

"You think I'm going to spend time with you now? You're so fucking unreasonable, Ike."

"Me? I'm unreasonable?" Ike stood back up. "I'm being completely fucking reasonable, actually. Look at all the shit I have to put up with. I did not sign up for a clone baby and a stupid turtle kidnapping you all the time!"

"And I didn't expect a goddamn man-child who refuses to take anything seriously!"

Ike exhaled deeply. "Look. We need to just relax. I don't want us to be mad at each other," he approached her and reached his hand out to stroke her face.

"Don't you dare touch me," Peach backed away from him. "I don't even want to look at you right now."

"Why are you so mad? We're just talking!"

"Talking? You call this talking?" Peach threw her hands up. "I'm done. Keep the cider." She turned around and walked out, making sure to slam the door behind her.

Ike was exasperated. He had no idea how they both got so mad so quickly. It seemed they were angry about different things…or maybe he just had no idea what was going on. How could she not see his side? He pulled the bottle out from his jacket and turned it over in his hands. This was the last thing he wanted to see right now. He chucked the bottle hard into the open bathroom door. It shattered against the tiles of the shower wall. Whatever. He would deal with the glass later.

He was so glad for that weed he had picked up earlier. He grabbed a lighter and the bag and went outside to his balcony with a spray bottle of Febreze. Just as he settled and put his feet up on the railing, he realized he had no rolling papers. Fuck. He didn't know any Brawlers that smoked, so using a cigarette was out of the question. But he needed inkless paper. He had no books, except…

Ike jumped up out of his seat, remembering the standard book in every place of lodging. He ran to the nightstand beside his bed and found exactly what he was looking for: a Bible. It was time to get blasphemous. He ripped out some of the blank pages at the back, pleased at how inkless and thin they were. Now he could get down to business.

It didn't take a bounty hunter to be able to smell the weed around that wing of the mansion; however, it was difficult to smell it from the halls since Ike was outside. But he couldn't hide it from everyone, as Samus immediately noticed that familiar skunk scent as she walked by his room later.

She stood by his door for a minute, wondering if he really had weed, and wondering if it was worth interacting with him to get some. The smell was especially strong to her trained senses, so she kicked open the door and went inside.

Ike heard the crashing sound and turned around to see his bedroom door ajar. He panicked. He didn't want to get rid of his joint, so he sprayed the fuck out of the Febreze, hoping the intruder wouldn't notice. Then he sunk into his seat to hide.

"Hello?" Samus slid open the balcony door and stepped out. "Ike? Is this your room?"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It was Samus. Ike blinked rapidly, freaking out. She was a goddamn bounty hunter. He couldn't hide anything from her. She knew. She totally knew. That was why she was here.

"You smoking pot here?" Samus asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Ike said.

"I smelled it. Also you're holding it," she pointed to his hand.

Ike noticed he was still openly holding the joint. He hid it behind his back.

Samus laughed. "Relax, I came here because I wanted some. How much you got?"

Ike nearly cried. He was so relieved. He showed her the baggie. "Not much, maybe a few dimes."

"I could really use some. Do you mind if I join you?"

Ike nodded, "Just go close the door."

Samus went back and closed the bedroom door then took a seat next to Ike on the balcony. He passed the joint to her and she instantly felt better. This was exactly what she needed.

"The fuck is this?" She touched the torn-up papers on the patio table. "I have rolling papers in my room, you know."

"I didn't know."

"Ask me next time. Also this is weak shit. You need to make a bong."

Ike was overwhelmed with her suggestions. Samus could tell and shut up. The two were quiet for a while, just smoking their problems away and staring up at the moon.

"What are you thinking about?" Ike finally asked.

"Food," Samus mumbled. "I'm about to run to the kitchen for some chips."

"I don't want to move." He sighed. "We need more of this."

"Forget this. We need like good stuff. From Colorado or something. Also shrooms. I fucking love shrooms."

"No way. I've only ever had bad trips on shrooms."

Samus was surprised. "Really? You must not be doing it right." She took a long drag. "I bet your little elf friend loves shrooms."

"Who? Link? Fuck him. He's being such a dick." Ike took what little was left of the joint from her. "Why are you acting like you don't know who Link is?"

"I don't want to deal with his hero ass anymore."

"I feel you," Ike stood up. "Come on. Let's go get food. My mind is just straight focused on food now that you mentioned chips."

Samus followed the mercenary out of the room and to the kitchen. They giggled and tried their best to hide their bloodshot eyes, having fun debating if everyone that they passed knew what they were up to.

Ike was really enjoying himself with Samus. As he grabbed as many bags of chips and cookies as he could, he looked over at her, admiring her Zero-Suit and chill attitude. If only Peach was like her.

* * *

 **Happy Thanksgiving! Hope to see yall with a new installment next week**


	4. Fight

**Hello. Long chapter this week, because it will probably be my last posting for a while. I got finals coming up in the next few weeks and I procrastinated my ass off all semester and law school is apparently serious so I have to actually study. But let's be real, I'll probably keep procrastinating and post more. But, fair warning that I'll probably be late.**

 **Anyways enjoy!**

* * *

The Brawlers were settling into a life with rules. They fought every day and had their mandatory group activities. It was nothing short of a pain in the ass. Given the range in ages of the residents of Smash Mansion, the events ended up being daycares. The older Smashers would have to supervise and babysit the younger ones. It was definitely not what Master Hand had expected.

"Ness is fucking Satan," Samus said, putting her legs up on a table while observing the other Brawlers.

"He really is," Link passed her his water bottle.

Samus took a long gulp, "God, what the fuck? Is this straight gin? Ugh," she gagged. "I was actually really thirsty for water. And this is shitty gin too. How are you drinking this?"

"Sheer willpower," he took it back. "I've had to hide all my alcohol like this just to get through these boring-ass group activities."

"It's like we reverted back to high school," she crossed her arms and looked out the sight before her. The two were in charge of a lame pool party, designed to get the fighters to have fun together. It was actually working for all the young characters and smaller creatures, who were having a blast in the pool.

"Look at that child of Satan," Samus pointed at Ness. "He's trying to put out that fire on Charizard's tail. The poor thing."

Link was quiet for a second, watching. "Should we help?"

"Nah, I'm far too lazy." Samus lay in her lounge chair and glanced over at Link. He was focused on something else, so he didn't notice her staring at him. She looked at his pretty, pretty face and down at his perfectly tan arms. "Hey, why don't you go join them at the pool?" She finally said.

"I wish. Freaking Ganondorf has been sitting there this whole time, just waiting for me to go in. There's no way I'm falling for that." Link pointed to the far ends of the deck, where the dark lord was brooding and watching Link.

"Why the fuck is he here? That's actually kinda scary. I didn't notice him at all." Samus said.

"Master Hand was not thinking when he made the assignments for this group." Link stood up anyways and pulled off his shirt. "Fuck it, I'm going in."

Ooo yes, this was just what Samus wanted. She relaxed happily in her chair, gazing at his tight little hero ass as he walked away from her. He stretched his arms behind him, giving Samus a great view of his back muscles and shoulders. Zelda was a lucky girl.

Link leapt into the pool and came back up quickly, brushing his dirty blonde hair out of his eyes. "You sure you don't want in?" He called out to Samus.

She shrugged. Why the hell not? She shimmied out of her cover-up and dove right in behind him.

* * *

Back upstairs, Marth and Rosalina were sloppily making out in his bed. They had been hooking up almost nightly for the past week or so. It was becoming a nice little routine for them.

"Listen," Rosalina started pulling away from Marth. "I gotta go."

"What? No," he kept kissing her. "Stay. It's still early."

"I got my fight." She pushed herself out of his bed and stood up. "I can't be late. I've been late the past two times. Not a good first impression to the tournament."

Marth ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. "Well, maybe you should come by earlier then."

Rosalina scoffed. "I spent all afternoon trying to get Luma off my tail to come here. Thankfully he went to some stupid pool party today instead."

"You gonna come back after the fight?"

"And why should I?" Rosalina pulled her dress on over her head. "Give me some sort of incentive."

"Classy bitch. Did you just use the word 'incentive' in casual conversation?" Marth chuckled.

"That's a thing people say," Rosalina went over to the mirror to fix her bangs. "Where's my crown?"

"Right here," he lifted up the white gold piece and dangled it from his fingers. "You're gonna have to come get it."

Rosalina whined, "I'm late!" Marth still lay there with a shit-eating grin on his face. She jumped on the bed and tried to snatch it from him. Marth played keep-away with her, managing to keep the crown just barely out of her reach.

She was fed up. She sat up and put her hands on her hips. "Marth, I have to go."

"Alright, alright," he pulled her close and kissed her, putting the crown on her head as he did so. "Happy now?"

"You vindictive little child," she pulled out her phone, using it as a mirror to adjust her crown. She got out of the bed and put on her shoes. "When are we having sex?"

"I can't. I have a girlfriend, remember?"

She motioned to the bed, "Then why do we do this?"

"Making out doesn't hurt anybody."

"It's more than just making out. I thought I was having some fun with a gay friend."

"I'm not gay! How does any of this make you think I'm gay? And who lets a gay guy finger them?"

"I really thought you were just experimenting."

"Aw, fuck you, Roz. Trust me, I think you're hot as fuck. You leave me with blue balls every time you leave."

"Aren't you blue-balling yourself?"

"Yeah, but that's because I'm the most faithful guy here."

"Right," Rosalina squinted at him. "Well, a princess can't wait forever." She finished strapping up her heels and left to the arena.

She had been waiting for this fight for a while now. Before she stepped foot onto the stage, she made sure to retouch her makeup and adjust her push-up bra accordingly. She found Luma awaiting her patiently and headed to her fight.

"Hello there," she smiled at the angel flying down onto the stage in front of her.

"Hi," Pit reached out his hand to shake hers. "I don't believe we've officially met. I mean, I know who you are, but we've never actually talked." He blushed. "Sorry, that was a dumb thing to say."

"That wasn't dumb at all," Rosalina giggled. He was just as endearing as she dreamed.

"Thanks."

"You ready to fight?"

"I don't wanna hurt you," Pit said, blushing again. "I don't even like to fight Peach or Zelda. You gotta respect the princesses."

"I'm tougher than you think." Rosalina got into position. "Besides, Peach is hardly a princess."

Pit sucked in his teeth, not one for gossip. But, he didn't feel it necessary to defend Peach either. Regardless, he got into position as well and the battle began.

The two fought, according to tournament terms. Pit had his wings and his double swords. Rosalina had Luma and whatever girly magic shit she used. The fight lasted a while, with Pit trying to go easy on her and Rosalina trying to impress him with her powers. It went on and on until…

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Rosalina gasped and brought her hands to her face. "I'm so, so sorry, oh no! Are you okay?"

"It's fine, I'm fine," Pit laughed, covering his nose. "I'm okay."

"Are you bleeding? Is it broken?" She ran over to him and brought her hands to his face.

"Hey just…we have to end the fight. I'm gonna jump off the ledge, okay? Just pretend to kick me so it looks like a fair ending."

Rosalina followed his orders. Pit fell, and she was declared the winner. Their obligations for the day were done. Now she could tend to him. "It was the wand," she looked at his nose. "I'm still getting used to using it in battle. I didn't mean to hit your face like that."

"Ha, I know. It was an accident! Don't be upset, Princess," Pit pressed the bridge of his nose. "It doesn't seem broken. It's just bleeding a little."

"Does it hurt?"

"Not really," he pressed it again. "Ow, actually yeah." The blood started to pour out more. "Yeah, it's broken."

"Oh, that's so gross," Rosalina started to fan her face. "I'm gonna faint,"

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be okay," Pit rubbed her back. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and clean this up. You wanna lie down?"

"You don't want to go to the clinic?"

"I've broken my nose before. I know what to do." He put his hand under his nostrils, surprised at how much blood there was now. "Where's Luma?"

"He's gone. He doesn't do blood."

"I'm gonna go clean up in my room. That was a good fight, though! Your wand is actually pretty powerful," he joked.

"I'll come with you. I feel bad. This is my fault. Do you mind?"

Pit smiled, the best he could with his slightly crooked face. "Sure! Could always use the company."

The cosmic princess and the angel went up to his room to figure out something. Once there, Rosalina took the opportunity to lay down on his bed. It was, of course, as soft as a cloud. She wrapped herself up in his fluffy down comforter and watched him wash out his nose in his bathroom sink.

"That's a lot of blood," she observed.

"Yeah, I need something to plug up the bleeding," he started twisting up paper towels. "This will hopefully work…but they'll need to be changed often."

"Is there something that's more effective? Again, I can run down to the clinic…" Rosalina was upset. This was her chance to make Pit interested in her. Instead, she blew it, and broke his nose to boot.

"Not really," Pit winced, trying to straighten out the bridge of his nose in the mirror. "Actually, my ex used to use tampons." He reddened. He still was uncomfortable talking about periods and whatnot.

"Oh?" Well this was a new piece of information for Rosalina. She didn't know he had a previous girlfriend. I mean, why wouldn't he? He was cute as fuck. "She break your nose often?"

Pit shook his head. "She got her nose broken all the time. She got in fights with everyone. She only broke my nose once while we were training. Straight punched me in the face. Not quite an accident, like with you," he smiled sadly at the memory. He thought about Samus all the time, but he never talked about her. It was definitely painful, but also a little relieving. He hated pretending that she wasn't a part of his life at all in front of the other Brawlers.

"Training?" Rosalina stood up. "Wait, is she in the tournament too?"

"Yeah, Peach didn't tell you?" Pit turned to face her. "It was Samus. Samus Aran."

Rosalina pored her brain over all of the girls at the mansion. Why couldn't she recall this chick? "Is she the one in that orange robot suit?"

"Yeah, and when she takes it off she's in a blue zero-suit."

Oh. _Oh_. Rosalina had fought her. And got her ass handed to her. Samus was a tough bitch. That was who Rosalina had to compete with? A bimbo who was basically a dude? She had seen Samus kicking it with Captain Falcon, watching football and shoving burritos into her face-hole like an animal. Was Pit into that? She seemed so crude and just overall wretched.

"Doesn't seem like your type," Rosalina finally admitted.

"I know. But I really, really liked her," Pit said sadly. "How does this look?" he exited the bathroom.

Rosalina covered her mouth to keep from laughing. "Please tell me you're not going to be walking around like that."

Pit sighed and pulled the bloody paper towels from his nose. Almost instantly, his nose started to drip blood again. "I have to keep them in."

"Why don't you just stay in for the night? I'm sure it'll dry up by the morning," Rosalina flipped her hair behind her, almost begging him to join her in bed. Her dress slipped off her shoulder ever-so-slightly.

"That's probably a good idea," Pit respectfully sat down on the couch in his room. "You got any plans?"

"No," Rosalina said cheerfully, excited to spend the night with him.

"Ah," Pit clasped his hands together. "Well, I'm gonna sleep. I'm pretty beat." He glanced at the bed, but only for a millisecond. He didn't want to push her, but he really just wanted to pass out. Alone.

Rosalina was offended. Was he kicking her out? Did he not want to sleep with her? She was a catch, she knew it. She was definitely better than Samus.

"That was a great fight, really. And it's okay about the nose." Pit stood up, itching for her to leave.

"Yeah, of course." Rosalina heard the message loud and clear and got out of his bed. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"Alright then," she sauntered over to him and gave him a long hug, making sure to bat her eyelashes his way. "Bye, angel."

"Good night," Pit watched her go, then shut the door behind her. He leaned against the wall, absolutely exhausted. The fight didn't take a lot out of him, but she did. Rosalina was utterly gorgeous, but he couldn't. He was just feeling this way because he hadn't been with a girl since Samus left him on Thanksgiving Day. He was still in love with her. He still wanted to work things out with her. However, he had no idea how to approach her or even try to start a conversation. Plus, she was avoiding him. What could he do?

He collapsed onto his bed and hugged his blankets close to him. Even through the paper towels in his nostrils, he could still smell that wonderfully flowery scent that followed Rosalina everywhere she went. It drove him crazy. Too crazy. The blood definitely wasn't rushing out of his nose anymore.

"Shoot," Pit cursed to himself and looked down at his pants. He was supposed to be an innocent little angel, but he had a penis. He had needs. The bed was so comfortable. He debated what to do for a minute, but the feelings of Rosalina hugging him combined with his loneliness continued that throbbing between his legs. Pit knew the princess wanted him, he wasn't dumb. But he was not about to let that happen. And so, he got up and headed back to the bathroom to clear his head and take care of that lust by himself.

* * *

"Peach," Ike called out from the shower. "Peach! Princess! Peach!"

"What?" Peach shouted back, absolutely annoyed. She was curled up in an armchair in Ike's room, watching Netflix on her tablet.

"Come join me." Ike poked his head out and gave a cheeky little grin.

"No, I'm watching TV," she raised the volume of her headphones.

"Come on," Ike groaned. "I'm not gonna fuck you, I just want to see you all hot and naked and wet."

Peach gave him a pissy look. She pulled down the top of her dress, flashing him. "There. Happy?"

"You're killing me, Toadstool." Ike stepped out of the shower and went over to her. "Please? We haven't had sex in forever." He pushed her Netflix out of her hands and started kissing her neck from behind the chair.

"Ugh, you're getting my clothes all wet," she moved away from him. "Just let me finish this episode."

"What you watching?" He asked her, still kissing her.

"You left the shower running."

"Yeah, because I want you to join me."

"You're dripping all over the floor."

"This is my room. I'll drip wherever I want." He turned her face toward his. "I can't believe I have to beg you for this. I thought you'd be all over me when we got back here."

"Ew, what's with the ego? And put a towel on. I'm not fighting with you with him staring at me," she pointed at his dick.

"Oh, this bother you?" Ike teased, standing right next to her head so his penis was right in her face.

"Stop," Peach tried her hardest not to laugh. It was kind of cute. But she couldn't give in. She was still mad at Ike for being such a bitch about Bowser Jr. Yes, it was her fault, but he was so mean about it. Nevertheless, she did cheat on him, and she felt guilty about it. She looked up at him. Why was he such a good sport?

"Kiss it," Ike beckoned.

Peach looked at it. She blew a puff of air at his penis then stood up. "That water better still be hot." She started to undress.

"Fuck and yes!" Ike practically ran back into the shower. Once Peach joined him, he was all over her. He hadn't touched her in so long. He had almost forgotten how soft and smooth she was. His hands clutched her dampening hair as he brought her closer to him so he could slip his tongue into her mouth and bite her rosy lips. She was so small, yet he still needed both his hands to fully grab onto her ass. There was so much of her that he wanted to caress and explore, but for now, all he could think about was kissing her.

Peach now remembered why she always liked Ike more than Bowser. He absolutely adored her and treasured her in a way that made her feel even more like a princess. She held onto his broad shoulders and opened her mouth and her body for him. She almost didn't have to do anything, since he had taken total control. It wasn't long before he had her pressed up against the cold shower wall.

"You're my tiny little porcelain doll, aren't you, Princess?" Ike grunted as he bit at her neck. "Tell me you're my fucking doll."

Peach giggled, the sound of which made Ike grope her breasts tighter. "I'm not your doll."

"No, you are my doll." He moved his teeth to her ear, biting her earlobe now. "Say it," he whispered.

She shook her head, smiling and closing her eyes in pleasure as his kisses trailed down her body.

"Fine," he was on his knees on the shower floor. "Then I'm just going to spell it out for you." He held her hips and started kissing her inner thighs. Then, he let his tongue do the talking. God, he missed her pussy so much. Not even the feel of it, but the taste of it. It was so distinctively her. He swore it actually tasted like peach. Plus, he loved her quiet whimpers as he toyed with her clit and fingered her bare, pink hole. She was so tight around his middle finger, and he couldn't wait to feel her gripping his cock again.

It wasn't long before she let out a small yelp and dissolved into short, hitched breaths. Her clear, sticky cum coated Ike's chin. He stood up and wiped it off in the water. Then he hugged her and kissed her a few more times.

"I loved that," Peach moaned against his lips.

"I've been practicing."

Peach raised an eyebrow.

"No, not like that." Ike explained. "I've been watching a lot of porn. Female-friendly stuff too."

"I don't doubt that," Peach gave him a long kiss. She placed her hands on his chest and brought them down to his abs. He definitely got more muscular over the break. At this point, he seemed to be all muscle. That six-pack he had in the fall was in borderline eight-pack territory. She probably looked so petite in his arms. Her hands found his girthy dick and she gave it a good stroke. He was hard as a rock. She felt every vein along his shaft, and felt it twitch as she grazed a fingernail over its head.

"That's not water," she stopped kissing him to look down at his penis.

"Yeah," Ike turned redder than he already was, a little embarrassed. "Been leaking pre-cum since I went down on you. It's been a while."

"I think it's kinda hot."

"Alright, that's enough," Ike scooped her up by her ass and pushed her even harder against the wall. He gave the supple skin one more good squeeze before she guided him inside her. Then he pounded the absolute life out of her. Her tight pussy was exactly how he remembered. With every thrust, he felt him stretching her open. Even with the water raining down on them, he slid in and out of her so easily, almost slipping out a few times given how wet she was. He wanted to fuck her just like this for hours, but had to pace himself since he nearly blew his load within the first two minutes.

Peach grasped at his back, clawing his skin in bliss. She didn't even have time to moan since he was passionately kissing her with every breath. Her body was being rocked against the wall. She didn't even care about the cock pounding into her, but instead enjoyed the man giving her everything he had.

"Faster," she was digging holes into his back at this point. "I'm so close."

"No, baby, I'll come right away if I go any faster."

"I don't care. Please!" She begged.

Ike grinned. This was his chance. "Say you're my doll."

"No fucking way."

He started to slow down.

"I'm a doll! I'm your fucking doll, Ike!" She cried.

Ike was pleased. He went faster just before she lost it. He went fast enough for her to have a body-shaking orgasm. She went limp in his arms, dropping her legs down to the floor from around his waist. The clenching of her pussy around his dick made him come too. He pulled out and watched the release go all over her stomach.

"Ew," Peach said, breathing heavily, eyes still rolling back in her head. "Why didn't you come onto the floor?"

"Do you know what a bitch that is to clean up? It doesn't go down the drain. It all just clumps there."

"That's the most disgusting mental image ever." Peach wiped off his cum. "It's still going to have to go down the drain!"

"Yeah but not all at once." He pulled her close and kissed her. "Man, my back really stings."

Peach turned him around to look. "Ooo, yeah," she winced. "That's my fault." She traced the scratches on his skin.

"Thanks for that," he tried to twist his neck to get a good look, but he couldn't. "It's so much better when we fuck instead of fight."

"Um, that's your fault we fight all the time." Peach cleaned herself up and hopped out of the shower as quickly as she could. The heat was getting to her.

"It's definitely your fault. You're suddenly acting like your last name is Bowser." Ike dried himself off. "Is his last name Bowser? Like is his first name King, and last name Bowser?"

Peach glared at him. "I've always been close to them. You know that."

"Yeah, if I knew that, I wouldn't have signed up for this." He shook out his hair like a dog. "You staying the night? You can finish your show while I spoon the fuck out of you."

"No, I think I'm gonna go to my room and watch it instead."

"Come on, Princess. Don't be mad at me. I was just kidding about Bowser!"

"Who said I'm mad at you?" Peach asked, a tinge of sarcasm in her voice. She clipped her hair up in a bun and threw on one of his hoodies, big enough to go down to her mid-thighs.

"You're mad. I can tell." He stopped her. "Listen, I'm really just playing. I don't care about your clone child. You're with me and that's what matters."

"But I care." Peach started gathering her shit. "I care and it bothers me that you think this is some big joke."

Ike rolled his eyes. "Well what do you want me to think? I'm trying to be as respectful as I can. I'm cutting you all sorts of breaks here. First you want me to think Bowser Jr means nothing to you. Then you wanna spend time with him. Now you don't want me to think this is all just a little fucked up. What do you want, Toadstool?"

"I don't know." Peach admitted. "I have no idea what I want. I'm just really, really conflicted right now and I feel like I fight with you every time I see you. Then five minutes later you're all over me again and I just forget about it. But I shouldn't forget about it."

Ike threw his hands up. "I just wanna fuck and cuddle. Is that too much for a boyfriend to ask?"

Peach sighed, "I'll see you tomorrow, Ike. And I think I'm actually scheduled to fight with you later this week. Maybe that will settle it." She gave him a kiss on his cheek, then left.

Ike's good mood was completely gone. That sucked. He was feeling so high after hooking up with her and just wanted to sleep with her or watch _Jessica Jones_ with her or something. But now he was low, and he wanted that high back. There was only one way for that to happen.

About half an hour later, Ike was settled again on his balcony, feet up on the railing, classic rock tunes pumping out at a low volume from his phone on a table. A plastic bag full of snacks was dropped onto the ground next to him by Samus, who pushed aside his phone and slammed a makeshift bong down.

"Brought the snacks TO us this time," Samus ripped open the bag of Doritos. "Why were you so aggressive in your texts?"

"Cuz Peach is the fucking worst, that's why," Ike pulled out the bag of weed. "I don't think we can do this for much longer."

"Shit, we almost out?"

"We need to get more."

"Uh, how, genius?" Samus plopped down on the chair and started heating up the water. After a few minutes, she took the first hit of the night. "We need a guy on the outside. Someone to get us shit."

"How can we pay him? I'm poor as fuck."

"We can trade him a night with Peach," Samus joked, passing over the bong. "What'd you guys fight about this time?"

"Same old, same old," Ike breathed in the smoke. "We did have sex, though."

"Great. Good to know." Samus rolled her eyes and started munching on the chips. "I had to chaperone some stupid pool party with Link today."

"Ha, aren't you pissed at him or something?"

Samus shrugged, "He's okay, actually."

"Wait, pool party…Link…oh, you think he's hot don't you?"

Her jaw dropped, the chips falling from her mouth. "How did you figure that out?"

"Because I'm a fucking genius," Ike beamed, grabbing the bag from her. He was feeling better already, the high slowly starting to kick in. "Anyways, that'll never happen. He worships Zelda's fucking feet."

"I expected as much," she took back the bong.

For about another hour, the two smoked, chatting occasionally, shooting suggestions on who their delivery guy would be. It was actually really nice for the both of them. This was a secret the two of them shared that neither of them wanted to give up. It was a good chance to bond.

"Have you ever thought about," Ike started, coughing up the hit he just took. "How fucking cool it is that this is our job?"

"What?" Samus asked.

"Like, hear me out. We get paid to beat the shit out of each other. And we get to live in this sweet mansion. Yeah, we have all these rules, but this is so freaking cool."

"Hey, dumbass. We don't get paid."

"Right, right, but this is like an Olympic break. We have our regular jobs – mercenary and bounty hunter – then we get time to come here and tear shit up. And our jobs encourage this. Like we fight for our country."

"Fight for…what?" Samus was so confused. "An Olympic break?"

Ike was frustrated that she didn't get it. "You watch hockey? Like at all?"

"Fuck that. I'm not white."

Ike stared at her skin for a minute. "Right, okay, well in the NHL, they get paid to play hockey, right? But every four years, they get the Winter Olympics off to go play for their countries. That's like what we do. Except all the damn time."

"Like, they play for Canada and shit?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck, man," Samus shook her head. "Can you imagine living in Canada? Like, I am so glad we weren't born there."

"Why's that?"

"Because we would have to speak Canadian. I can't speak Canadian. And I can't deal with the cold. Shit I was born on a lava planet. I couldn't be born in Canada. No way."

Ike was extremely puzzled. "Wait, come to think of it…I don't know a word of Canadian."

"Right? No one knows their bullshit language."

"That's so weird. Like I feel I know some words from every language. Like Spanish, I know _si_ and _hola_. Then French. I know like _bonjour_ and _croissant_ and shit. And Italian. I know like _pizza_. But I don't know any Canadian."

Samus thought for a minute. Or maybe it was an hour. She couldn't tell. She was so high. "Wait I know some Canadian. They say _aboot_."

"Oh yeah!" Ike was pleased he learned a new word.

Samus started heating up the bong again. "Hey, what do you think happens if you drink bong water? Do you die?"

"Fuck if I know," Ike examined the putrid-looking yellowish water. "Let's give it to Bowser Jr. to test it."

Samus threw her head back and laughed. "Would you really kill him?"

"I would. He's just a mini Bowser. I wouldn't feel bad at all."

It wasn't long before their supply ran out. The two were just sitting there, staring at the moon, basking in their waning highs. No one had talked for about twenty minutes, but they were enjoying each other's company. Their snacks were running low as well, given that Ike powered through the donuts in a mere five minutes.

"You know what I just realized?" Ike finally said.

Samus turned her head to face him, her mouth too dry to even acknowledge that she was listening.

"All these star NBA players have cool as fuck first names. Makes it so easy to just refer to them by one name."

"What?" She croaked.

"I mean, think about it. LeBron. Magic. Dwyane. Steph. Kobe. Rajon. That's so fucking unique man. Then look at their last names. So goddamn casual. Like Johnson. Jordan. Wade. Bryant. James. Nash."

"But don't forget _Steve_ Nash. _Michael_ Jordan. _Larry_ Bird."

"Fuck, you just destroyed my theory." Ike frowned, thinking about it a bit more. "Okay, but look at football. They have casual as fuck first names and unique last names. It's like the opposite."

"Yeah?"

"Okay for first names you have Tom. Joe. Aaron. Brett. Drew. Jerry. And for last names you got shit like Roethlisberger. Flacco. Aikman. Lynch. Favre. The list goes on."

Samus sat up, thoroughly disagreeing. "But at the same time you got Tom _Brady_. Joe _Montana_. Adrian _Peterson_. _Arian_ Foster. Peyton and Eli Manning go against both those too."

"Fucking Peyton and Eli. Always fucking up my fantasy team." Ike scowled. "Hey did you know Eli's first name is Elisha?"

"What? No way." Samus started to giggle. "There's no way!" She couldn't stop giggling.

Ike joined her in laughing. The two laughed and laughed. For some reason, this was uncontrollably funny to them. They laughed for a good while, until their sides were hurting and they were having trouble breathing.

"Oh man, oh my God," Ike wiped his tears. He looked over at her and smiled, just examining how the moonlight shined off her blonde hair. "Hey, um, you wanna watch Star Wars?"

"Yeah," Samus let the last few giggles leave her. "Which one?"

"The only one that matters."

" _Empire Strikes Back?_ "

"You fucking know it." Ike stood up, getting a head rush. "Fuck," he leaned against the balcony door. "Actually I won't be able to stay awake." He rubbed his head. "Hey, why don't you tell me the story of how you and Pit broke up?"

"Uh, no," Samus scoffed at him. "No way. That's none of your business. I'm not telling anyone that." She seemed to be sobering up quickly.

"Come on." He reached out his hand. "Pinky promise. I won't tell anyone."

"No. It's not that I'm worried about. It's…"

"I won't judge you either." Ike extended his pinky. "Come on. This will be a judgment free zone."

"Fine," Samus shook his pinky. "Alright sit down. I'll tell you."

* * *

 **Yo that was actually really long. And yeah I need to cool it with the references, don't I? I start off writing these fics for myself so I forget that people probably get lost in my rambles. Sorry. Anyways review with your suggestions and I'll tryyyyyyy to post by this time next week!**


	5. Thanksgiving

**Ah yes. The dedicated flashback chapter. Sorry I didn't post last week. I had one of those beautiful long finals periods where you have two full weeks of torture instead of finishing them all in five days. I LITERALLY JUST SUBMITTED MY LAST FINAL so I can happily return to this and a normal schedule.**

 **Also- re: Caeda. yeah I'm aware that she's Marth's wife but honestly I don't want to deal with marriage here because I want the characters to be like 19-22.**

 **So yeah this chapter is just Samus and Pit, a continuation of the story that Samus was telling Ike.**

* * *

Samus was nervous. She tugged on the itchy collar of her sweater-dress and flitted her gaze anxiously back and forth between the people in the room. Why did she wear a freaking dress? And a warm one at that? She would have been fine in her zero-suit. It was comfortable, and everyone else here seemed so relaxed and at ease.

Pit took her hand and smiled at her. Instantly, Samus felt better, and her heartrate lowered to something more normal. "Sorry," she said. "I'm not used to meeting families."

"They'll love you. Don't worry at all," Pit squeezed her hand in assurance.

Samus pushed him away. "Ew, why are you looking at me like that?"

Pit didn't stop smiling. "You look so beautiful."

"Gross," Samus had to look away so he wouldn't see her blushing.

"What are you so nervous about?" Pit tried to peer at her face. "You've already met everyone last night."

Samus recalled the rush of his family members when they arrived at his home world the night before. Everyone was so excited to meet her, just absolutely shocked that young Pit had a girlfriend. Apparently, he had been talking her up. A lot. But now she was looking at an entire holiday weekend with them. She couldn't even remember his mom's name. It was too much for her.

Then she heard it. That wonderfully familiar sound. The FOX NFL theme music filled the living area and Samus's ears with nothing but pure hype and promise. God, she loved Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving football.

"You wanna go watch football with all the guys?" Pit asked.

Samus nodded, feeling much like her old self now. She happily bounded over to the TV area, excited to go see the Eagles make asses of themselves. Pit went to go help the women in his family cook, as per tradition, and Thanksgiving morning officially began. The camaraderie in the room was almost jarring to Samus. The guys weren't pounding beers or obnoxiously bragging about their pussy-crushing exploits. The women weren't gossiping, making plans to ban books from their children's prep schools, or worrying about the threat of GMOs in their food. Everyone was simply…chilling. And enjoying time together. It made Samus even more of a nervous wreck.

"Hey," one of Pit's cousins turned to her and grinned during a commercial break.

Samus rolled her eyes. Here we go. Even in the fucking Overworld she had to fend off creepy guys. "What?" she snapped.

He gave her a polite smile, ignoring her attitude. "You're Pit's girlfriend right? He talks about you all the time. It's great to finally meet you. We'd love to hear about your adventures as a bounty hunter."

"Oh," Samus reddened, embarrassed. She was so used to being on the defensive. Of course Pit's family was comprised of perfect gentlemen, just like him. "So he talks about me?"

"All the time," another cousin said. "It's a little annoying, but that's Pit. He's obsessed with you."

"Really?" Samus was surprised. Wow. She had no idea how much Pit was into her. She didn't even think she was that into him. "What does he say?"

"The usual- that you're perfect, kind, funny, smart…" he didn't seem to care anymore and stood from his spot on the sofa. "This game is going nowhere. Anyone wanna go play some real football?"

The guys all ran outside for some backyard football. Samus decided to join them, and Pit came along too once he saw her running out. The rules were simple: two-hand touch, and no wings. No punting, you either go for it on 4th down or kick the field goal.

* * *

Ike rolled his eyes. "I don't care about the details of your stupid Turkey Bowl game."

"Why not?" Samus was pissed her story was interrupted. "I played really well. They had me lined up at receiver and I caught every deep pass."

"No one gives a fuck. Just get down and dirty on Pit."

Samus sighed, "Fine. I'll just skip the game. My team won, by the way."

"Cool. Still don't care."

* * *

After football, it was time for dinner, because for some reason, Thanksgiving dinner was at 3 PM. Pit's family all sat together at a long dining captivated by the glorious array in front of them. There was just so much damn food. Samus was near tears just from the number of baskets of bread.

"Did you make any of this?" Samus whispered to Pit.

Pit nodded. "Yup. I made the green beans, which were easy. But this year, I got to deep fry one of the turkeys." He said, proudly.

"Oh, holy shit. That's awesome! I didn't know you could cook."

"We never get a chance to cook at the Smash Mansion. But I could make you something when we get back." He put his hand on hers. "Don't eat yet. Wait for Lady Palutena."

As if right on cue, Palutena, the goddess of light, sat at the head of the table and brought her hands together. The angels all quieted down right away. "I would like to thank you all for coming home today," she began. "Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite time of year. It's such a blessing to have the entire army and family in one place. Before we begin our meal, I would like to say a little prayer…"

A prayer? Oh God. Samus had to fight every urge to roll her eyes. Fucking please. She looked around the table to see if anyone else was taking this seriously. To her shock, everyone had their heads bowed down as well. Even Pit! Of course he was religious. She shouldn't have expected anything less from an angel. He probably celebrated Christmas to celebrate the birth of Jesus. Still, it was very uncomfortable for her. She felt more and more out of place with every passing minute.

After everyone said their Amen's, it was time to eat. Samus ate quietly, and just watched everyone interact. Ugh, they were all so perfect. They were like this happy, caring, Mormon family. There wasn't even any wine at the table. She had to wash down her food with freaking water. She bet they volunteered at soup kitchens and played board games on Friday nights. How was she even there?

"What's wrong?" Pit asked her. "You feeling okay?"

"Nothing. It's nothing," Samus poked around her plate.

Pit carried on as if everything was fine. "So as I was saying, after dinner we're most likely just going to take a nap. You can watch football, of course, but I guarantee you'll fall asleep. The girls are planning on going shopping tonight. Do you want to go with them?" Pit asked her. He noted her weak smile. "Ah, I guess you don't want to shop. That's fine. You and I can just hang out instead." He held her knee under the table.

"Uh," Samus suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. "I think…I think I'm going to go to the bathroom."

"Samus?" Pit watched her get up. "Is everything alright?" He excused himself and followed her upstairs.

Samus was up in Pit's room, lying face-down on his bed. She couldn't believe she was even on her stomach after all that food she ate, but she didn't want to see anything right then. Why was Pit so fucking perfect? She wasn't like him at all. She had no reason to be there. Sure, they had a great time the past few months, but it was really just because she thought he was cute. Who was she kidding? Her? In a room full of angels? Fuck. That.

"Hey," Pit sat on the bed next to her. "What's going on?" He rubbed her back. "Are you sick?"

"No, I'm not sick," she said, her voice muffled by the blankets she had stuffed her face in. "Dinner was good, though."

"Then come eat some pie. Or do you want to take a break?" He lay down next to her and stroked her hair. "We could chill up here for a bit. I know you want some alone time. It can be overwhelming around all the other angels."

"I want some alone time," she turned her head away from him.

"Okay," Pit kept stroking her hair, then slowly moved his hand down to her lower back. He inched closer to her, almost cuddling her, so he could kiss her neck.

Samus pushed him away. "Completely alone."

"Oh," Pit got out of bed. "Sorry. I'll give you some space. I'm going to go have dessert. Let me know when you want to come back downstairs, okay? I'll save some for you."

Samus groaned. "Why are you such a good person?"

Pit raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Like, I get it. You're an angel. But you're like, way too good. It's frustrating, actually."

"How is it frustrating?" Pit was amused.

"Because I'm not good and I don't belong here!"

Pit laughed. "You're plenty good! At least to me! And I see how you are with the little characters like Kirby and Pikachu. You can be kind and sweet when you want to be."

"That's not what I mean by good. I'm not a good person. But you are. You're like…pure to your very core. I'm like, three steps from being an evil fucking villain or something."

"You're really not." Pit sat next to her. "And honestly, even if you were bad like that, I wouldn't care. I like you for you."

Samus shook her head. "It's not that. It's just…this isn't my scene. Not at all. I don't have a family. I don't even have an army of other people like me. I work alone. I've always been alone."

Pit was confused. "But I don't care about that. And you're welcome to be a part of my family."

"No, don't you get it?" she stood up and began to pace. "I am not like this. I am not a part of this. I am not the type to settle and be domestic. Look at you- you're fucking cooking and praying and coming to check up on me to see if I'm freaking sick. I know I wouldn't do that for you."

"You can change." He said quietly.

"I really doubt that I can. Besides, I just…I don't care about this as much as you do."

"About what? Being part of a family?"

"No. I mean us. I don't care about…this…" she pointed between the two of them. "You're fun and I like you but honestly? How long can this go on?"

Pit frowned. "I was hoping this would go on for a while. I don't think we've been together long enough for you to be worrying about the future like this."

"Well good. I don't want to be with someone long enough for that."

"What?" Pit was hurt. "Why? Why are you saying that without even giving this a chance? You're better than this, Samus." He went to her and took her hands. "I remember when you didn't even want to leave your room to spend time with all these potential new friends. But then you did and you ended up having a great time. And I got to know you and care for you. You can't just go back to hiding just because this is new territory for you."

Samus pulled her hands away from him. She didn't want him to tell her how to feel, and now she was accepting her own cognitive dissonance. "I only came out to talk to you because you gave me free shit and I got to have sex with you."

Pit was taken aback. "That's not true. That's not true and you know it."

"It is," Samus lied through her teeth. "Now that I'm here I realize I'm in too deep. I felt ridiculously uncomfortable downstairs and I just wanted to leave. I am not a part of this world at all. You are not a part of my world. This can never work and we're just wasting each other's time."

"You're not wasting my time. I want this to work!" Pit nearly begged. "We can leave if you want. I'm not committed to staying."

"If anyone is leaving, it would be only me. You can stay here. I don't want you to come with me."

"Fine!" Pit huffed. "At least tell me why. You feeling left out is a pretty dumb reason." He crossed his arms. "I'm sorry I called you dumb."

Samus tried to think of something to get out of there. She needed an excuse. Pit just wouldn't understand her reasons. She just truly was scared. Everything with Pit was moving too quickly. He clearly wanted a big commitment since he had her meet his family. She knew that he was perfect and honest but she felt that trusting him with her personal needs and wants led to a kind of openness that she didn't want to accept. He was right- this was new territory for her.

"You're just way too sensitive. And needy." Samus started. "Plus you're like a fucking housewife. I don't need that. It just makes me feel shitty for basically being a guy. And what the hell was that down there, with the prayer?"

"The prayer?" Pit tried to recall. "Oh, we were just saying grace. It's not a big deal. Sorry if you felt forced to participate or anything."

"Yeah, leave me out of that. How can I trust your judgment if you believe in that crap?"

"What crap?"

"Like, religion and whatnot."

Now Pit was seriously offended. But he couldn't show it. "Look, Samus," he tried to speak calmly. "I respect you. I don't want to infringe on your beliefs and I don't want you to infringe on mine. I just want you to respect it. I'm not forcing you to pray with us or believe what I believe. But that was a low blow, even for you."

"Whatever," Samus looked away. It hurt her so deeply that she pissed him off, but she needed to get out of this and it seemed that this was the only way to do so.

"Why are you saying this?" Pit was actually very upset now. "You're usually so…you put up a tough persona in front of everyone at the tournament but I know you're not like that. You're so sweet and kind, Samus. Please don't deny that."

Samus suddenly felt herself choking back tears. What was she doing? "I can't, Pit. You're just…you're really too good for me. How many times do you want me to say it? I come here and I see your perfect life and your perfect family. You're so happy and giving and I'm not. I feel like I'm ruining your life and taking that away from you."

"You're not ruining my life," Pit eased. "You're making it so, so much better. If anything, you're making things more exciting. There's so much I would have never done without you."

She bit her lip, trying not to cry. Fuck, why was she the weak one here? "You could do that with any girl, though. And there are other girls that are so much better for you. I'm not, okay?" It was finally all coming out. "I'm a shitty person and I do shitty things. I steal, I hurt, I lie, I kill. But you don't know that side of me. You only know what you see at the tournament. And you come to me because I'm a pair of tits with blonde hair."

"That is seriously not true. That is the last thing I think of when I see you. There's so much more about you that I like."

"Like what?" Samus asked, nearly shouting. "My ass? Face it, Pit. You could do so much better than me and you know it. You brought me here because you felt sorry that I would have spent Thanksgiving alone. And I got all wrapped up in my feelings and stupidly fell in love with you because you paid attention to me. I knew this was too good to be true. No one can ever stand being around me for this long."

Pit absorbed everything she said. "Wait, did you say-"

"What? What did I say? That I'm the fucking worst? Because I'll say it. I deserve to be alone and you know it. So stop trying to pity me and let me leave. This is just embarrassing for both of us." She stormed past him and started gathering her things.

"Samus, you're not making any sense. Why do you hate yourself? You're perfect to me. I don't think there's anything wrong with you."

She scoffed, "Yeah, but that's only because you see the good in people. And when it comes to me, you just pretend I'm good."

"But you are," Pit knelt beside her. "I want to be here for you. I don't know why you feel so down about yourself, but I want to help you feel the way I see you."

"Oh, so I can be your charity case or something?"

"No," Pit smiled assuredly, showing the utmost patience. "I didn't realize you had all these…insecurities. But now that I know, I really want to help you. So you can be a happier person."

"Great. So you're a therapist now." Samus stood up and zipped up her bag. "Trust me, I've dealt enough with fucking old people telling me I need to find myself. I don't need you spewing that bullshit either."

"Okay, so why don't we just talk? Like we usually do. You don't have to leave. Or I can come with you to Metroid."

Samus sighed and hitched her bag up on her shoulder. "I don't want to talk anymore. Talking sucks. Coming here was a mistake. I thought I got over being such a whiny asshole, but I didn't. Sorry I dragged you into this."

"Wait, Samus!" Pit called after her, but it was too late. She had left.

* * *

Ike was laughing. He was laughing his ass off. He was almost completely sober too. Samus was frustrated. "What the fuck is so funny?"

"You're such a girl, oh man." Ike wiped the tears from his eyes. "I had no idea you were such a loser. You come here, acting so tough, like you could kick all our asses. Then you straight up cry because you can't handle being around someone else's family because of your own daddy issues."

"Shut up!" Samus punched his arm. "You said you wouldn't judge!"

"How could I not judge? That shit was terrible. Oh man. I thought you cheated on Pit. I didn't know you were just too much of a pussy to date even the biggest pussy here."

"I told you the most personal story ever. Like actually I haven't told anyone else."

"And who could you tell? You pushed away your only friend just because you don't know how to have friends. That's so fucked up." Ike stood up and put his hand on her shoulder. "For real, Samus. Everyone's got problems. That's why we're all here. Pretty much everyone has hated themselves at some point. But you, breaking up with the most angelic motherfucker around, even though he was willing to stick around to help? That's just dumb. You're dumb. I'm not sorry."

"You're dumb." Samus stood up too so she could leave. "You're the one who lets Peach just walk all over you so you can maybe have sex with her when she's not sucking Bowser's spiny-ass dick."

"She's not sucking Bowser's dick," Ike said, but now he wasn't so sure. "Ugh, fuck you, Samus. I hope Pit is fucking that hot personal trainer. Zelda said they were doing yoga together. You know what that means," he winked.

Samus tried not to think about it. "You don't get it. Pit is just way too different from me. He's a fucking dork. He can sleep with whoever he wants now. I don't care." She headed for the door. "Don't talk to me again unless you can figure out a way to get more weed."

"Don't count on it," Ike waved to her as she slammed the door behind her.

Samus went back to her room, royally pissed. Her tough exterior was crumbling to reveal the damaged goods that she truly was. Pit knew, and now Ike knew. She should just put her suit back on and hide- for good.

She crawled into her bed and pulled the blankets over her head, not even bothering to take her shoes off. She closed her eyes, her mind filled with thoughts of Pit. She had completely ignored him after she walked out on him. He texted and called her all the time, yet she screened them all. She would have blocked his number, but she gained some sort of sick pleasure from the torture of wondering if she should text him back.

Then, oh, Christmas. Christmas absolutely put the nail on the coffin. She received a package from him. Inside was that treasured box of scotch and the whole decanter set. But the absolute worst part was the inscription on the lid. Pit had not forgotten what she said. Looking at it reminded her of how much she didn't deserve someone that perfect. She yelled at him and hurt him, yet a month later, he still had the nerve to write, "I love you too."

* * *

 **I developed a huge crush on Pit this time around I'm so sorry. ANYWAYS MOTHERFUCKING STAR WARS TONIGHT and then I'll get back to a regular posting schedule! I promise this every week and then i don't do it lol**


	6. Delivery-Boy

**AN: Holy God. I'm so sorry. I'm absolutely. So. Sorry. I could blame my tough semester. I could blame my internship. But no. I have to be honest. It was Star Wars. Star Wars fucked me up. I spent the past few months forgetting about this fic and writing three, THREE, Darth Vader fics. I will actually post two of them (the third is basically a laundry list of all my sexual fantasies with Vader so I will keep that to myself). The style of those fics are super different from this one, so it was hard to transition back. As you can tell, there's a little bit of that gravitas here, but I really wanted to reward those of you that waited (and thank you for waiting, really) with a long chapter. One that is a little filler, but it moves the plot forward.**

 **I actually had written half of this before I died, and there was a big political scene in it, but I had to remove it because it was no longer culturally relevant. But it was terrible so I'm glad I did.**

 **Anyways. Hope you enjoy and SO SORRY to stop like that for so many months.**

* * *

Link and Zelda were sitting in an armchair in an empty game room together, just cuddling and making out. For the past week, they had been too busy to spend much time together, save for at night, so they were making up for lost time now. The mess of crap that Crazy Hand had them all do left the room reserved for video games and downtime unused, so the Hylians took advantage of that.

A huge ruckus started from outside the door. Link separated from Zelda and looked at the door with worry. "Please don't come in here. Please don't come in here. Please don't-"

The door swung open and Marth and Ike barreled through. The two were laughing, since Ike was holding Pit in a headlock. Pit was either cracking up or struggling to get free, it wasn't clear.

"Oh, hey guys," Ike stopped in his tracks once he noticed the couple. "Didn't see you there." He straightened up, pretending to be serious, while still choking Pit.

"What's up?" Pit managed to sputter.

"What are you doing, Ike?" Zelda asked. "Let go of him! His face is turning purple!"

"Fine," Ike released his hold and sat down on a chair opposite Link and Zelda. "Haven't seen you guys in a while."

"This is actually really nice," Marth also sat. "I feel like we haven't hung out as a group since we got here."

"What, like we're friends?" Link mocked. "But yeah, it's been fucking busy. You know what I had to do the other day? I had to go camping in the damn backyard with half the new fighters. And fucking Ness showed up and did some Satanic ritual in the woods."

"Did he really?" Zelda asked.

"No, but he was there, so I assume that's what he was doing." Link nodded towards Pit. "What'd you do?"

Pit was still rubbing his neck. "We were just messing around."

Ike shoved him. "He said that he could kick my ass off the stage. I told him to try me." He leaned back in his seat smugly.

"Hey, text Peach," Marth hit Ike's arm. "We should all be here. I'm in the mood to talk shit."

"Aw, man, Peach isn't gonna come. She's baking with Kirby and that fat king." Ike scowled.

"Well convince her! She should listen to you. Tell her there's free cookies." Marth suggested.

Ike pulled out his phone. "You think Peach eats carbs? Please." He started to text. "Free…kale. That should do it."

"Idiot," Marth slapped him on the back of the head. "No one likes kale. That's for people who pretend they're healthy."

But not two minutes later, Peach showed up at the door. "Who the fuck likes kale?" She asked.

"Yo," Ike patted his lap. "See? I told you guys that'd work."

Peach went and sat on his lap. "Oh, hey everyone! Wow, I feel like it's been so long since we've all been in the same room."

"We were just talking about that!" Zelda leaned forward excitedly. "What have you been up to? I never see you."

"Dealing with this asshole here," she pointed at Ike.

Ike beamed proudly. "I'm the asshole."

"You guys want me to text Rosalina to come?" Marth asked, already on his phone.

"No!" Zelda and Peach shouted.

"Okay, okay," Marth put his hands up in defense. "What's everyone's deal with her? She's pretty chill. She's at least better than Samus."

Pit shot him a look.

"Getting all defensive there, angel?" Marth sneered. "Your ex was a bitch and you know it."

Pit stood up, hands balled in fists. Rage burned in his eyes. Link saw this right away and got up to calm him, "Woah, woah." Link gently eased him back down to his seat. "Marth is just being his usual shitty self. You gotta just tune him out."

"Right, sorry," Pit sat down glumly.

Ike looked back and forth from Marth to Pit. Suddenly, he remembered what Samus had told him. He knew why they broke up – because Samus wasn't as tough as she pretended to be. Oh, how good this felt. He knew something that everyone else didn't know. Marth didn't know. Link didn't know. Hell, Pit didn't even know that he knew. What power he had.

"Why are you smiling like a goof?" Marth asked Ike.

"Shut up," Ike kicked him.

"Fuck, we've got to get out of here," Link stretched, putting his arm around Zelda. "Look at us. We're going stir crazy in here. I am so tired of seeing all your faces."

"We need to find a way to sneak out. There's this great college town nearby. Good bar scene. We could probably find some underclassmen, easy." Marth suggested.

"That's the worst idea," Peach said. "I don't need Ike in that type of environment."

"Relax. I just want to be free and drink something cold that isn't hiding under my bed." Ike assured.

"Well I just want to go shopping." Peach sighed. "In-person shopping. Not online. I'm not a peasant, Zelda."

"I didn't say anything," Zelda shrugged.

"What do you wanna do, huh?" Link stroked her hair. "If you got out of here, what would you do?"

Marth and Ike groaned at their PDA.

"I'd go…" Zelda thought. "I'd go to a sports bar. Watch one of the presidential debates."

"Jesus fuck," Link dropped his head back. "If I hear one more word about politics-"

"Wait, they have watch parties at sports bars now?" Marth was excited. "When did this happen? How come I've never heard of this?"

"Because you're a fucking loser." Ike said, almost reflexively.

"I assume they have them at sports bars. People go there to watch events together, correct? Maybe I can go to one of those college bars, near the law school perhaps. I'm sure there will be a fun crowd." Zelda mused.

"You're so cute," Link kissed the top of her head. "People go to sports bars to grab a beer with friends and catch an SEC football game, not for politics."

"I think it's a great idea," Marth said. "Those debates always get so hype. I'd love to watch them with a bunch of people who care. Maybe throw in a drinking game or two."

"No politics, please," Peach held up her hand. "I come here to get a break from that. We are not going to one of those lame bars. I need to get out of here and the first place I'm going is the mall. Then the beach."

"Tell me, Princess," Marth raised an eyebrow. "How do you propose we get out of here?"

"I have an idea," Pit piped up.

Ike leaned forward as best he could with his girlfriend on his lap. "Come on, guys. Let's listen to how terrible this is."

The angel let the insult slide over him. "We do this formally. Don't you remember what Master Hand said? We can leave. This isn't a prison-"

"Concentration camp," Peach corrected.

Pit pursed his lips, not wanting to make that comparison. "It's not a _prison_. We simply have to make a formal request to his office. Why wouldn't he approve of shopping or a political event?"

Link scoffed, "Yeah right. Do you really think he'll let us go? Us? We're the reason most of those rules were even put in place. I doubt he'll want us to alienate our peers again or some bullshit reason like that."

"But it doesn't hurt to try!" Pit insisted.

"You just think that way because you know Master Hand will let you go anywhere you want. You're his pet," Marth argued.

Suddenly, Ike's face lit up. Marth was right. Pit was Master Hand's pet. "Holy shit," he said aloud, not even realizing it. "Pit…you're a genius."

"Really?" Pit's face filled with hope. "You think so? You like my idea?"

Zelda gave the angel a look of pity, "Pit, he's messing with you."

"I'm not," Ike focused on Pit with new intent. "Pit, old buddy, you should put in a formal request."

"Where to?" Pit asked, absolutely pleased that Ike was agreeing with him.

Ike gave him a look not to worry. He knew just the place. All that mattered was that he had his deliveryman now. He couldn't wait to tell Samus.

* * *

Peach sat in front of the large vanity mirror in her room, brushing her hair and absentmindedly trying out different styles of braids. Her mind was not on her appearance at the moment, but on her boyfriend. She cared about Ike. A lot. He had been so good and so patient with her. He seemed to genuinely want to make her happy and spend time with her. Those were qualities she, or any girl, would want in a boyfriend. And yet…

She couldn't help but let her mind wander to a certain evil king. He had never been good. Nor patient. Nor did he care much for her happiness. But they had such passion between them. Of course, she had passion with Ike too. He was an absolutely amazing lover and provided her with more pleasure than she ever thought possible. Still, she couldn't help but want to run back into the Koopa's arms. There had to be something wrong with her.

And Bowser Jr. Peach had almost completely forgotten he existed, which was terrible. She was his freaking mom! It wasn't like it was a long pregnancy, only four months. It was relatively painless too. She had eschewed him upon birth, not wanting to deal with that devil's spawn. But now she found herself wanting him in her life. They could be a family. Princess Peach had always had a strong maternal instinct about her. But that didn't mean she wanted to be with his father and get rid of Ike for good.

She put down her brush and sighed. Her thoughts were too circular for her own liking. She hated how much she and Ike had been fighting lately. She just wanted something simple, like they had before. Yet, he wanted a serious relationship. He wanted commitment and cuddling and dating. She wanted that too, but she wasn't willing to give up Bowser for that. How could she? Bowser was the only one she had known for so long, and they both so clearly still wanted each other. She was at an impasse, and couldn't talk to anyone about it. Zelda was too judgmental. Marth was too close to Ike. Pit was dealing with his own problems. And Rosalina…well Rosalina was a fucking bitch.

She heard a knock on her door and groaned in exasperation. "Go away!" She shouted.

"No," replied the growl.

"I'm naked."

"All the better."

Peach frowned. "I'm with Ike."

"You're not. I saw him go to the arena."

She rolled her eyes. "Leave me alone, Bowser."

Bowser wouldn't. He jiggled the doorknob a little, picking the lock, and burst in. "You know you can never keep me out, right?" He shut the door behind him.

She crossed her legs in defiance. She would keep him out of _that_ at least.

"You're still my hostage," he reminded her. "And as your captor, I order you to get in bed."

"No, Bowser," Peach glared at him. "I'm with Ike. I told you. Christmas was a mistake."

"A mistake?" He crossed his arms. "It really didn't seem like it."

"Well, it was," she stood up and mimicked his pose. "I want you out of here, now. Ike won the fight. I'm with him. I'm happy with him. That's final!"

Bowser really didn't seem to care.

"Leave!" She insisted. "Or I'll call him back in here so he can kick your ass again."

He snorted, "And I'll tell him what we did."

"You wouldn't," Peach clenched her fists.

"Try me."

"Ugh!" Peach stomped her feet and turned away from him. "I can't stand you anymore! Stop trying to weasel your way back into my life! It's not happening! Never again!"

Bowser marched to her and put an arm around her waist. Swiftly, he bent down and gave her a passionate, powerful kiss.

Peach couldn't help but respond. But the moment she realized she was melting back into his arms, she pulled away. "No!" She pushed his chest, but of course he barely moved. "I'm through with you, Bowser. For good. This isn't going to work."

"And why not? You're obviously still interested in me!"

"Because you're evil that's why," Peach grit her teeth. "You are a manipulative asshole. You are ruining my relationship and you're trying to seduce me when I keep telling you no. You bring your son-"

" _Our_ son."

"Your son!" Peach pointed her finger at him. "You've brought him back here to fuck with me. I can't do this! How many more times do I have to say I'm completely done with you?"

Bowser's eyes burned with the fire from his core. "I will keep pushing until you actually mean that."

"I do mean it. Every word. I'm so over you, Bowser. I'm with Ike. For good."

He smirked, "You don't mean it. I'll be back for you, Princess." He whipped around and left her to stew in her own anger, making sure to slam the door loudly behind him.

* * *

"Samus!" Ike sprinted to the gym right after his match, knowing she was lifting weights as she did every afternoon. "I have the best news!"

"If you want to talk to me," she grunted as she lifted the bar above her head from where she was laying on the bench, "make yourself useful."

Ike obliged, standing behind her head to spot her. "I think I found our deliveryman."

"What?" Her arm faltered the slightest, but Ike steadied her.

"Really! Well, you won't like it, but he's the perfect fit."

Samus tried not to think about who Ike was insinuating as she lifted pounds and pounds of metal above her face, a face she actually wanted to keep intact.

"Pit," Ike said proudly. "Pit is going to get us our weed."

She knew it. She slammed the bar down hard and sat up to glare at him. "Go fuck yourself. No way."

"He doesn't have to interact with you!" Ike pleaded. "I'll conduct all the business with him. You get in touch with a dealer and give me the meeting information. I'll pass it on to him. We'll get a good thing going. We can even get the others involved, and maybe get some more drinks in here. Some more whiskey!"

Tennessee whiskey was always going to tempt Samus. "Still, I don't want him involved."

"Why not? He can get out of here, you know. Master Hand loves him. He'll get leave easy."

Samus rubbed her arms, "It's…it's too risky."

"The dude fucking flies."

"Yeah, but…" Samus turned her eyes down to the floor. She knew Pit would do it. He would be more than willing to help. But at what cost? What if he got caught? He would get in too much trouble. He'd ruin his perfectly pure reputation.

"He won't get caught," Ike responded as if reading her mind. "He's a big man. He can handle himself."

"I can't agree to this," Samus shook her head and stood up. "As I said, it's too risky."

"Then who, Samus? Who else is going to do this for us? It's best that we get someone we trust."

Samus remained quiet, pensive.

"Don't you miss it?" Ike put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't you miss all that fun we had smoking on the balcony? That was best time I've had here in a while, that's for sure. And I know it was for you too. God knows we need it after dealing with all these bullshit mandatory activities."

Samus eyed his hand, then looked at him. "Fine," she gave in, a little too easily for her liking. "But if he gets caught, you're going down with him."

"He won't get caught, bounty hunter." He grinned. "He's learned from you."

She rolled her eyes and stretched her legs on the bench, hoping to return back to her workout now.

Ike walked back behind the bench and counted the number of plates on the bar. "Goddamn, you lift almost as much as I do."

"Really?" Samus seemed surprised. "But you're…" she motioned to his arms, but then dropped her hand and looked away from him quickly.

Ike didn't seem to notice. "Guess you got technique down, then. Where are you hiding all that muscle anyway?"

"Oh, you'll find out when we fight," she sneered at him.

He laughed, "You gotta show me your workout routine."

"You got time now?" Samus took a swig from her water bottle. "This is a much more natural high anyway."

Ike sucked in his breath, "I'm pretty tired. I just got back from the arena."

"So what? Your heart rate is up. You'll build muscle more efficiently."

Ike raised an eyebrow, "That doesn't sound very accurate."

"Fuck you," Samus tossed her towel at him. "No excuses. We're going to lift and you're going to feel true pain."

"On the contrary, Miss Aran," Ike said mockingly. "You're the one that's going to suffer."

* * *

Link was lying in bed in his room, his hands covering his face as Zelda trailed soft kisses down his body. He couldn't even look, because he knew seeing her gorgeous eyes so happy to please him would send him over the edge. Her plush lips brushed against his calloused skin, knowing exactly where to go to make him moan. Zelda's deft hands carefully rubbed his abdomen as her mouth continued to explore his chest, forever teasing him.

"Please," a beg slipped from Link's throat completely out of nowhere. He rarely was the one begging her. It was usually the other way around. But now she was showing him so much care and pleasure that he couldn't help it.

"What is it?" She smiled as she continued to press her lips against his pecs. "Lower?"

"Yes," he nodded.

She ran her tongue down to his abs and lifted her head a little, poised to begin focusing her attentions on the well-defined muscles of his torso. But she never did. Instead, she returned to his chest and bit his nipple. Hard.

Link groaned and yanked her up to give her a greedy kiss. "Don't do that," he scowled against her lips.

"I'll do it again," she giggled and lowered her head to bite the other.

"No!" He laughed and flipped her on her back, kissing her all over her face. The two settled into an intimate make-out, holding each other close and sharing their love through their kisses.

Zelda's fingers hooked the waistband of his pants. "I'm not finished with you yet," she mumbled against his lips.

He smiled and fell back onto the blankets so she could straddle him once more, except now, her head was between his legs.

"Yo! Link!" That infuriating loud knock on the door roused the couple from their foreplay.

Link's eyes snapped to the door. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"I don't hear it," Zelda was frustrated as well and tried to focus on unbuttoning his pants.

"Link! I do not care if your dick is in her mouth! Get! Out! Here!" Marth shouted through the keyhole.

"That's it. I'm killing him for real this time." Link grabbed his sword and threw open the door. He swung, but instead of meeting flesh, the blade clanged against metal.

Marth grinned wickedly at his friend. He knew Link would be pissed, so he already had his sword up in defense.

Link frowned and tossed his sword back in the room, knowing he wouldn't win. "What do you fucking want now?" He barked. "Can't I have a moment in peace?"

"You guys have plenty moments," Marth said coolly. "Now, will you please calm your boner and join me on a quest?"

Link glanced down at the bulge in his pants. "Way to fucking look," he reddened a little in embarrassment. "And you wonder why we call you gay."

"Shut up," Marth shoved him and stepped back from the doorway. "Are you coming?" He snickered. "I phrased that wrong."

"What is it that is so freaking important that it can't wait for morning?" Link crossed his arms.

"We found a deliveryman. Or should I say, boy." Marth grinned. "Come on. We're gonna let him know about the job offer now."

"For the drinks?" Link was now intrigued. "Ike really found someone?"

"Pit," Marth couldn't wait to tell him. "The fucking angel."

An actual smile appeared on Link's face. "Holy crap. That's perfect."

"Now are you still pissed about missing out on that blowjob?"

Link's face fell, "Yeah, I'm still pissed."

"Sucks for you," Marth led him out into the hall. "Let's go. We've got to build an entire black market by the end of the week."

* * *

 **AN: Just kidding that wasn't that long. Ugh, I hope it was okay. Regardless, I vow to finish this by the end of summer. I want so badly to post my other fics, but I won't until I finish this one. So that's my motivation. Please make sure I do it.**


	7. Intentions

**AN: YES another update THE DAY AFTER. I am so serious about working on this. It's a shorter chapter, but very, very important. There's going to be a lot more focus on Rosalina herself from now on as well.**

* * *

Weeks passed, and the little operation the boys had built began to thrive. Pit readily accepted the offer to be the middle man, willing to do anything for his friends. Many more Brawlers got involved, giving Pit their requests for more than just the usual vices. The Mansion became worse than before.

"Jesus Christ," Marth looked at the latest haul Pit had brought in. "Why are so many people here on acid?"

"It's not so many people," Link looked at the order list in the clipboard in his hands. "It's all the Mario Brothers."

"Of course," Marth sifted through the contents of the bags. "Anyways, nice going, kid. Again. This was the best decision we ever made."

"Thanks," Pit smiled at him. "But I think I'm going to take a break from this for a while."

The heads of Marth, Ike, and Link snapped towards the angel. "What?!" They all shouted.

Pit shrugged, "Master Hand is getting suspicious. He's not that clueless, you know. He's noticed that contraband is slipping through the cracks. Do you guys really need all this stuff anyway? Is it that necessary?"

"It's not necessary, per se," Ike tried to explain, "it's more like we want to stick it to the man for making all those rules in the first place. When you deny me something, I want it more."

"Ooo, someone's a rebel," Marth mocked. "Oh, shit, my wine!" He snatched the bottle from the bag.

Link snickered, "You're still on that? With Rosalina?"

The prince grinned in response.

"I'm telling Caeda," Ike smiled mischievously at his friend.

"You don't feel guilty?" Pit asked.

"Shut up. Both of you," Marth's face flushed. "We're not doing anything- well, we're not having sex."

"But how would you feel if she was doing this with another guy" Pit asked, genuinely concerned for the Altean.

"Shut up!" Marth wheeled around and left the room. Of course he felt guilty. He'd been feeling guilty a little too often lately for his tastes. But he missed his girlfriend so much, and all of his requests to go see her had been turned down. He didn't want to tell his friends how lonely he was without her, so this was the best outlet he had. It was only a bonus that they all thought Rosalina was such a catch.

Marth headed straight for the rec room, where Rosalina was supervising some ping pong tournament with the new Wii characters. He found the princess and wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her in for a deep kiss before she could even react.

"What was that for?" Rosalina asked a little breathlessly once he let her go. She placed her hands on his chest and leaned into him.

"Just thinking about you," he stroked her cheek with the side of his finger. "The new shipment is in."

"You got my wine?" She looked down at the bottle he had in his other hand. "Can I leave this early?" She motioned to the room. "I want to just wind down with a glass, my show, and a certain prince."

Marth took her hand to lead her upstairs. "We've already broken enough rules."

* * *

Zelda was sitting cross-legged next to a pond deep in the woods behind the Mansion. This was her secret spot for the deepest of meditation, which nearly no one but her knew about. She breathed in the cool winter air and shivered as she exhaled. Her mind was so clear and she could feel her magic flowing stronger through her veins.

The sound of boots slowly crunching on the frosty grass behind her roused the princess from her thoughts. But before she could turn around, a pair of warm hands circled her neck from behind.

"Link," she smiled, eyes still closed.

"Zee," he kissed her behind her ear. "I'm sorry for interrupting you. I just couldn't wait to give you this."

"What is it?"

Link tied a pendant around her neck and fumbled with the clasp as he responded, "I know it's not much but…this stone is from my home village. It just came in with Pit's latest shipment. Fathers traditionally give it to their oldest daughters when it's time for them to leave the house. It represents freedom, independence, and passion. I…shit," Link frowned. "Why is it so hard to close these things?"

Zelda laughed and turned it around to clasp it herself.

"Sorry," Link was frustrated with himself. "I rehearsed that entire speech on the way over here. I should have practiced actually dealing with jewelry instead."

"It's okay," she turned around to see him sitting behind her on his knees. "It's so beautiful. I love it. Thank you."

He smiled, taking that to heart. "Really? You think so? I really wanted to get you something nice, but everything was so expensive. One day, Zelda, I'll get you something fit for a princess. I swear it. But until then…" he lifted the pendant. "You're the strongest woman I know. I'm so lucky to be with you. I love you so, so much, Zee."

Zelda's eyes welled up with tears as she watched her hero struggle with emotion. She leaned forward and hugged him tightly. "Link!" She kissed him. "I love you too! You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you!" Her head rest on his shoulder. "And please, this is such a wonderful, thoughtful gift. I don't care about fancy things. You know that."

"I know," he blushed. "But I still want to spoil you. Or at least provide for you."

"Don't ever worry about that," she looked him deeply in his dark blue eyes. "You've done more than enough for me throughout your entire life."

He grinned a little smugly, "Well, that's true."

Her lips parted to laugh again, but was interrupted by a passionate, powerful kiss from Link. His hands tangled instantly in her hair so he could draw her closer. She froze for a second, absolutely overwhelmed with feelings for him. But then she took hold of his cheeks to feel his warm skin underneath her fingertips.

Quickly, their kisses became needier. Zelda clutched the collar of his shirt, wanting more. He wrapped his arms around her back and gently lay her down on the blanket she had been sitting on. He separated from her and looked into her eyes, brushing her hair from her face.

"What are you looking at?" She whispered.

"You," he smiled. "All of you."

She beamed and pulled him down by the neck to kiss him again. He wasted no time in coaxing her mouth open with his tongue. Soon, his lips trailed down to her neck, covering her throat with small kisses and nibbles. She whimpered and grasped his dirty blonde hair, urging him to keep going. He did, happily, and started undoing the laces of her dress to get to her chest. He paused to remove his sword from his hilt and placed it very openly next to them on the grass.

"What's that for?" she turned her head to look at the blade.

"Marth is not interrupting again," he growled, biting the top of her breasts.

She giggled, but was soon silenced by his tongue circling her nipple. The hotness of his mouth stood a stark contrast to the chilly air, causing Zelda to gasp in pleasure. That sound only spurred Link on as he sucked the light pink tip. He ran his hands up and down her stomach, warming her up even more.

"Link…" she moaned, slipping her fingers under his shirt at his back. "Make love to me. Please!"

He raised his head and looked at her curiously. She never begged like this before for him. It was kind of sexy. It was usually, 'fuck me' or 'do me' or something of the sort. But this time, her pleas were different. They were meaningful. She wanted to _make love_. With him. He took her face and gave her a sweet kiss, signaling that he would.

Link unbuckled his belt and began bunching up all of the skirts of her elaborate dress. Why did she have to wear something so fancy? Of all days? She noticed his annoyance and helped him, smiling cheekily as she did so. He reached up under all of the material and found her panties, bringing them down to her knees. His fingers circled her clit as he returned to kissing her, neither of them really wanting this gentle intimacy to end, yet both wanting to be even closer.

As he kissed her, Zelda reached down and took hold of his penis, guiding it into her. She cried out as the tip pressed against her, still never prepared for him. He kissed her more strongly, hoping to distract her as she adjusted. He slowly, slowly pushed into her, her wetness allowing her to stretch for him. Soon, he was fully inside, and the couple couldn't help but smile warmly at each other.

Link continued to hold her in his arms as he rocked his body in tune with hers. Zelda wrapped her legs around his, helping control his movements. He switched between kissing her, looking into her eyes, and resting his head below her chin, reveling in their closeness. She laced her fingers with his and held them by the sides of her head. Zelda was certain she had never felt more connected to the swordsman.

It took every bit of Link's self-restraint not to fuck her more furiously. He wanted her so badly, and his needs were consuming him. He could feel that rising tension deep in his body and his eyes clouded over with pure lust. She could not even calm him down, as her own desire for release was intoxicating her. She arched her hips up against his, urging him to go deeper, harder. He did without question, thrusting with a little more purpose and causing her to tilt her head back and tighten her legs' grip around him.

Soon, neither could hold it anymore. Zelda's orgasm was explosive, taking over every inch of her all the way down to her toes. She moaned his name loudly, practically shouting. Seeing her go limp in his arms brought Link ache. He adored making her feel that way. But he had no time to revel in it, as she used her thighs to press his hips closer to hers. He felt her pussy convulsing around him and came instantly. He groaned, letting his head fall to her chest as he shuddered. The two caught their breath in each other's embrace for a few minutes, not able to say anything to each other.

He lifted his head weakly and kissed her quickly, growing drowsy as he usually did post-sex.

"Get off me," she pushed at his chest. "I want to go inside and nap."

"Let's just nap here," he closed his eyes and sighed.

"No, it's cold."

He grunted, "Yeah, you're right. My ass is freezing."

She giggled and pinched his bare ass. He scowled in response and bit her lip, then reluctantly rolled off her. That nap was calling him, and now even more so with the hope that he could cuddle with his princess in their bed.

* * *

Rosalina was furious. Marth had kicked her out again because he felt guilty about his girlfriend AGAIN. She was getting beyond frustrated. She had been here for a while now and she knew she had so many admirers. Yet she was wasting her time with a prince who wanted only to play with her. Not. Fun. Yes, she got free wine out of it, but that was definitely not enough for her. She wanted more. She wanted…a certain angel.

"Pit," she smiled slyly as she spotted the boy of her thoughts in the halls.

Pit looked up and saw her. He had been reading a sheet of paper in his hand with a furrowed brow, but quickly folded it up and tucked it into his pocket. "Rosalina," he bowed his head politely. "How are you?"

"Very, very annoyed with your friend: the blue-haired one," she flipped her hair behind her shoulder. "And you?"

"Fine," he didn't meet her eyes.

Rosalina stepped towards him. "You don't seem fine. Is everything alright?" She put her hand on his shoulder. "Come. Why don't we sit down? You can talk to me. My followers always come to me with their problems."

"Really?" Pit's face lit up. "I guess that'd be okay."

She took him by the hand and led him to her room. Once inside, she sat him on the couch and took a seat right by his side. "Tell me everything," she looked at him with twinkling eyes.

"I…" Pit suddenly felt a knot in his stomach. Something just didn't feel right. "It's nothing. I'm just kind of stressed with all the delivery stuff. Everyone is making a lot of requests and I'm not familiar enough with what they want. I have to be sure I'm getting the right thing." He gave her a safe answer.

Rosalina leaned back against the couch, knowing there was more. Still, this was enough for her. "That is quite stressful," she mused. "They shouldn't be putting all that burden on you."

He shrugged, "Well, I'm the only one that can help them."

"Help?" Rosalina scoffed. "My dear angel, you're not _helping_ them. They're using you."

Pit eyed her, not liking what she was insinuating at all.

"Face it. I've seen how they treat you. Like shit. They're pretending to be your friends so you can get them their crap. They were not this friendly with you before."

Pit looked away. He couldn't believe that. Sure, the swordsmen were definitely assholes, but they had good times together. They invited him to the beach and to parties. They liked him. "No," Pit shook his head. "No way. You don't know them, Princess. We're all good friends."

"Have any of them ever asked you what you wanted? What they can get for you in return?" She leaned forward. "Or do they just make demands of you?"

Pit opened his mouth to argue, but he had nothing to defend himself. She…was sort of right. They never offered him anything in return.

"You're risking your position in the tournament for them. And for what? So _they_ can get drunk? So _they_ can have fun? Without you?" Rosalina placed her hand on his thigh.

Pit flinched, not comfortable with her so close. Slowly, her hand moved upward to his belt. Before he could stop her, her fingers slid into his pocket and she removed the piece of paper he had tucked away. "Just as I suspected," she read over it. "A strike."

The tips of the angel's ears reddened. "It's nothing," he took it from her and stuffed it back into his pocket. "That was my fault."

"Possession of alcohol? Really? I doubt that was for you."

His face was now completely crimson.

"So now you're getting in trouble for them? They're the ones breaking the rules and you get the formal warning? You know what happens if you get two more of these, right?"

Pit focused on a spot on the floor. He didn't want to admit she was right, but he was finding it hard not to.

"You can't keep doing this for them, Pit," she took his hand. "You're better than this. You deserve to be treated better than this."

Pit looked into her eyes, feeling the tiniest glimmer of anger. He wasn't used to this emotion at all and he didn't like it one bit.

"I'll help you stand up to them." She scooted even closer to his seat. "You can tell them where they can stick their stupid requests."

"I can't, Princess," he frowned. "I want to-"

"Think of yourself for once!" Rosalina interrupted. "You're so selfless and good! Everyone is walking all over you! I'd never do that to you. I think you're so much stronger than they are."

Pit gave her a tiny smile. "You really think so?"

"Of course," she traced her fingertips up his arm.

Pit shivered as her touch sent tingles down his spine. He hadn't been shown this kind of affection from a girl in so long. He missed it. But it was distracting. Too distracting. Before he knew it, Rosalina was leaning her face closer and closer to him. He had no time to even perceive what was going on as she pressed her lips against his. Pit's eyes widened, unable to respond. She kissed him strongly, giving him her all. His lips started to unconsciously return the kiss. But just as he felt his eyes closing, he pulled back.

"What are you doing?" He demanded.

Rosalina was shocked at his response. "I thought that-"

"No, Rosalina!" He stood up from the couch. "I'm not…I can't do this! Is this why you were talking to me? Was this your plan? To make me feel so bad about myself and then try to kiss me?" He was straight yelling at her.

"No, I-"

"Forget it, Princess!" He turned away from her. "I should have known. Everyone here wants something from me, and no one cares about what I want! Now I'm being tricked? Manipulated by someone I thought I could talk to?" He was beyond hurt, and started for the door.

"Wait, Pit!" Rosalina called out. "It wasn't like that! Honest!"

He glared at her. "How do I know you're not lying?"

"Because I…" but now Rosalina had nothing to defend herself. Her plan had failed and he was able to see right through her.

Pit shook his head in disappointment and stormed out of the room, leaving her with nothing but the pure sting of rejection.

* * *

 **It's definitely so much more difficult to write a stable relationship than a dysfunctional one. Anyways, I've got the rest of this mapped out, but I'd love some suggestions on how to fill in the blanks! Let me know**


	8. Strikes

**AN: Literally just churning out as much content as I can since I'm worried my internship will consume my life again. Off we go...**

* * *

Pit went directly to the game-room where he knew the Alteans would be hiding away and enjoying their new wares. He was done. Absolutely done. He had never felt so much anger and frustration in his life. He wasn't even that pissed when Rosalina had kissed him, but the more he thought about it, the angrier he became. He needed to give his 'friends' a piece of his mind.

"Whoa there!" Ike laughed at the sight of the steaming-mad angel as he barged in. "What's got up your wings?"

Pit fumed as the others snickered along with him. They were all in the room: Ike, Peach, Link, Zelda, and Marth. Good! They all needed to hear this. "I'm done being your deliveryman!" Pit shouted. "I'm not taking the fall for you guys anymore!"

"Fall? What do you mean fall?" Zelda sat up, concerned. "Are you alright, Pit? Did you get in trouble?"

"See for yourself!" Pit yanked the paper from his pocket and tossed it towards Ike.

Ike caught it and read it to himself. "Oh, shit," he ran a hand through his hair. "Pit, I'm so sorry."

"What is it?" Peach read over his shoulder. "A strike? Pit? Master Hand gave Pit a strike?"

Marth and Link were visibly pained. They eyed each other, then Ike.

"Pit!" Zelda got up to go give him a hug. "That's terrible! The boys will go talk to him. They'll clear this up. It's not your fault."

"Um, Zee," Link cleared his throat. "Why don't we talk about this before making any decisions?"

Zelda whirled around to look at her hero. "Don't tell me you're not going to talk to Master Hand about this."

The boys again all glanced at each other.

"It's just one strike, Zelda," Marth explained. "Pit won't get caught again. We've got this."

"You've got this?" Peach raised her eyebrow. "You clearly didn't have it before!"

"Peach," Ike placed his hand on her shoulder to calm her. "We. Have. Got. This."

Pit stepped closer to the group. "And how?"

"We'll think of something," Marth shrugged. "We always do."

Pit's face fell, "So you don't even have a plan?"

"We do have a plan," Link corrected. "We are taking you off delivery duty immediately. We really shouldn't have forced you in."

"Uh, we didn't really make him do anything," Ike retorted. "He willingly agreed to it."

Pit crossed his arms. He did agree. He wanted to be involved.

"You're a dick, Ike," Peach pushed his hand away. "It doesn't feel wrong to you that you got the purest guy here in trouble?"

"They're all dicks," Zelda stood up and away from Link. "I can't believe you think this isn't a big deal."

"Can't we just do what we always do and blame Mr. Game & Watch?" Link asked.

The Alteans nodded at each other. That was a good plan.

"Forget it," Pit sighed. "I don't want your help anyways. Find another angel to use." He retreated to his room, no longer believing these friends were worth fighting for.

* * *

Rosalina had been sitting on her couch since Pit had gone, still confused. She thought she had played her cards right. He seemed so simple and naïve. Any guy like him would be overjoyed that someone like her was giving him attention. But he was much more hardened than she expected. This definitely was not your typical angel.

Rosalina needed to get out of there. She needed…she needed Luma. Where was he? She stood up and smoothed out her dress. Where could her precious little companion be? She headed downstairs to aimlessly peruse the halls in hopes that she could find him.

Luma was exactly where she expected – the kitchen. The overweight star didn't get that way from flying around her head all day. She saw him assisting other, smaller Brawlers in baking. Cute. Rosalina's heart warmed at the sight and she sat on a counter stool to watch.

But there was one little Brawler that wasn't so cute, in fact, he was a little shit. Bowser Jr. was jumping all over the place, knocking over bowls and snatching cookies from others' plates. It wasn't until he bumped into Luma that Rosalina decided to do something about it.

"Calm down, you little…rat!" Rosalina snatched him up by the arm. "You're making a mess!"

Bowser Jr. just squirmed in her grasp, trying his best to kick her to be free of her.

The princess kept a tight hold on him. "I know your father. Didn't he teach you better than this?"

"My father loves me! He lets me do whatever I want!" Bowser Jr. shouted.

"Clearly, you spoiled brat," Rosalina looked down at him with disgust.

Bowser Jr. stopped fighting her and squinted, scrutinizing her face. "You're not as pretty as my Mommy."

Rosalina was instantly offended. Red colored her cheeks in embarrassment. "And who is your Mommy?"

"Princess Toadstool," Bowser Jr. proclaimed proudly. "She and my Daddy rule the Mushroom Kingdom."

Rosalina was so surprised by this revelation that she let the young Koopa go. He immediately returned to terrorizing the kitchen. But she didn't care. She leaned against the counter to breathe. Princess. Goddamn. Peach. Oh, this would ruin her. This would absolutely ruin her annoying relationship with that muscle-boy. All thoughts of Pit evaporated from her mind as she formulated a plan.

"Oh, my little Prince," Rosalina cooed to the child. "Tell me more about your Mommy and Daddy."

He shrugged. "What do you wanna know?"

"Are they married?" Rosalina asked him.

Bowser Jr. frowned. "No. But my father says they will soon. He talks about her all the time."

"Do they spend a lot of time together?"

"Over Christmas they did! We all did!"

"Christmas?" Rosalina tried to recall the timeline which Peach and Ike were together. She leaned closer to the little dragon. "Does your Daddy…hug the Princess? Kiss her?"

Bowser Jr. rolled his eyes. "All the time. It's so gross. I would never kiss a girl, ew."

Rosalina was beaming. She plucked a cookie from Pikachu's plate near her, ignoring the little shock she received, and handed it to the devil's spawn. This was the best news she had heard her entire time here.

* * *

Ike sat glumly in an armchair in his room as Peach circled him, lecturing him. He was pouting and staring at his feet, which he had hiked up onto the coffee table. Peach was furious, hurling insults his way and reprimanding his treatment of Pit.

"And another thing-" Peach pointed her dainty gloved finger at the mercenary, "how dare you let him leave like that? Now he's probably upset and moping in his room, thinking you abandoned him! Go to him and let him know you're still trying to protect him!"

Ike looked up at her and grinned, "You look so cute when you're mad."

Peach clenched her fists angrily. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course I am, Princess," he stood up and held her by the shoulders. "But what more can I do? He's a big boy. He can handle himself."

Peach glared at him.

"What would you have me do, huh? Should I go tell Master Hand I organized this whole thing? I'll get kicked out for sure. Better one strike against him than losing me and Marth and probably Link too. Would you like that? Would you like if I had to go back to Altea?"

Peach's face softened. "No…"

"Then relax, doll," he cupped her cheek gently. "He's off delivery now. Our little operation will fade out without him, and we'll just forget about this whole thing."

She shuffled her feet shyly. "So no more Malibu?"

"I'll go get it for you myself." He lowered his face closer to hers. "No more of this, okay? I want to see you smiling again."

"Don't say that. I'm still freaking out from that _Jessica Jones_ binge."

He chuckled and hugged her, letting her bury her head in his broad chest. She held him tightly and squeezed her eyes shut. This was what she wanted. Ike. He was always so patient with her. And caring. And thoughtful. And warm. And…

"Ike stop," Peach giggled as his hands trailed down to her back to try and unhook her bra through her shirt.

"Stop what? I'm just trying to help you feel comfortable." He grinned and popped the hooks open. "You gotta let the girls free after a long day."

She crinkled her nose to illustrate her disgust at his candor, but instead he bent down and kissed her on the tip of her nose. She giggled again and turned her face away from his. But it was for naught. He captured her fully in his hold and peppered her face and jaw with as many kisses as he could.

"Come to bed, Peach," he pleaded through the kisses. "I miss you."

"It's your fault you haven't seen me," she smiled as his warm lips reached her neck. "You care more about your little boyfriends than me."

"That's not true," Ike bit the sensitive skin near her throat, hoping to leave a mark. "Well," he separated from her as he thought. "Marth's been growing on me a lot lately."

"Oh no," Peach mock-gasped. "Am I going to have to fight for your affections?"

"Never," he reached down and swiftly picked her up, cradling her in his arms.

She laughed and looked at the floor. "I'm so high up! Put me down!"

He did so by throwing her onto the bed. Before she could move, he sat on her legs and pinned back her wrists against the blankets, kissing her more forcefully. She playfully kept turning her face away and pursing her lips together, but that only made him try harder. Soon, she gave in, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. He was so surprised by her gesture that he let go of her hands, wanting to hold her close to him instead.

"Ike," she moaned as he returned to her neck. She wrapped her arms around his head and drew him up. "I want you," she whispered in his ear, finishing her remark with a strong bite on his earlobe.

His eyes glazed over with lust and he quickly took off her shirt. She removed her already unhooked bra and he lifted her by the back to bring her body to his mouth. He suckled all of her pale, smooth skin, spurred on only by the thoughts of leaving bruises on her breasts and stomach. She belonged to him, he thought, and everyone had to know.

Peach was relishing the attention, waves of desire running down her body. She yanked on his shirt, pulling it over his head. Then she pushed him down by the shoulders between her legs. He locked eyes with her, grinning at her intentions. She was always so demanding about getting hers first, and he loved to oblige. He hooked his arms under her thighs and placed her legs on his shoulders. With a few more bites around her lower stomach and inner thighs, his lips found his favorite place on her body.

Ike was absolutely lost in her scent for a few minutes, thinking of nothing else in the world. He didn't even hear her cries of pleasure as he tongued her hole and sucked her clit. He dug his fingers deeper into the soft flesh of her thighs, using them for balance as he lapped up any juices that spilled out of her. He traced slow, deliberate circles around her clit as he let go of her right thigh to slide two fingers inside her. He caressed her most sensitive spot inside her with those fingers, sending her to orgasm right away. Now he heard her. He heard her gasp and felt her writhe underneath him, unable to hold her body still. Instinctively, he let go of her other thigh and reached down his own pants, stroking himself as he continued to devour her.

"Oh, that is so hot," she moaned, watching him with half-closed eyes.

He pulled his fingers out and pinched her swollen, pink bud together with index finger and thumb, rolling it a little. "What is?"

"You," she couldn't even lift her hand to show him. "How hard you are."

He smiled bashfully, "I can't help it, Princess. I can't even lay down flat when I do this."

She squealed with delight and tugged on his hair to bring him up. He did, reluctantly, and accepted her kisses. Soon, he was pushing away from her to go down on her again.

"What's with you?" Peach asked as he got back in the same position as before.

He stroked the opening with the side of his finger absentmindedly. "Did I ever tell you that you taste like peaches?"

She burst out laughing, "What?"

"I'm serious!" He blushed. "I like it."

"No shit."

He ignored her judgment and went right back to work, this time focusing more on her than himself. Once she came again, he sat up and sighed, content with his handiwork. "I could do that for hours."

"Would you? Just spend a whole day eating me out?" She was utterly relaxed as she gazed up at him.

"I would. But now…" he ran his hands up and down her curves, pausing to almost violently grope her perky breasts. "God, Princess, there's so much I want to do to you."

"Like what?" Her eyes twinkled with anticipation.

He shook his head, "You know I'm not that good with words." He held her by the hips. "Why don't you decide?"

As she thought, Ike held her close and kissed her over and over, grinding his hips against her stomach as his need for her rose. Just as he prepared himself to take her right then and there, she pushed on his chest. He gave her a look of bewilderment, wondering what her tiny hands could do to him.

"On your back," she demanded. "I want to be on top."

"Oh, fuck yes," he fell back and grabbed one of her arms to pull her onto him. "Thank you for not being lazy."

"Don't count on it," she straddled him and took the time to really admire his body from her position. She placed her hands on his chest and ran them all around, stopping at his waistband. With a naughty look into his eyes, she yanked it down, causing his rock-hard penis to spring out. She stroked it gently, all while looking at him. But he couldn't meet her eyes, for his own were rolling back in his head.

Peach let go and steadied herself on his abs. Slowly, painfully slowly in fact, she lowered herself onto his dick. He groaned as she went down barely a centimeter per second, teasing him to no end. He couldn't do this. He grabbed her by the waist and shoved her down onto him.

Peach gasped in ecstasy at the sudden entry, not expecting it at all. She shuddered as her ass hit his hips, taking a moment to adjust. But soon, she was able to ride him as she pleased. His hands traveled up her body to her tits, which he gave a strong squeeze. She tilted her head back and moaned his name, slowing down her bouncing to grind her hips against his. Ike reeled in her motions, her tightness keeping him on a constant edge.

He felt himself getting close. Too close. He couldn't let this end, but he wanted her so badly and his need to come was beginning to overwhelm every inch of his mind. Using what willpower he had left, he picked her up off of him and onto her knees.

"I was so close! What the hell, Ike?" Peach was wild with fury and lust.

He sat up on his knees as well in front of her, not caring for her outburst. He grinned wickedly at her. "Finish me off."

"I was trying to!"

"No," he clutched her blonde hair and leaned in dangerously close to her face. "With this," he rolled his tongue into her mouth, not even bothering to kiss her properly.

Peach loved it. She loved being bossed around. She bent down and began to suck him off, giving little care about any remnants of their sex on his dick. She kept one hand on his balls and the other on his ass, digging into his skin with her fingernails as punishment for keeping her from a third orgasm. He didn't mind it at all, enjoying her mouth too much.

Ike walked confidently back into the room out of the bathroom a few minutes after he had finished, stretching out his tired muscles. "That was the most incredible piss," he told his girlfriend.

Peach rolled her eyes at him and got up off his bed. "You're such a child."

He grinned, grabbing her by the waist to kiss her deeply. "Peach," he mumbled against her lips. "Spend the night with me."

She kissed him back, "You don't have to ask."

"Awesome," he led her back into bed. "I'm going to absolutely murder you with cuddles."

"I regret this already."

* * *

Samus leaned back in a chair in Master Hand's office, her feet up on his desk. She stared up at the ceiling, counting the tiles as she waited for him to finish writing something down.

"I'm incredibly disappointed in you, Miss Aran," Master Hand said. "You're one of our most popular fighters here. This is so unlike you."

Samus didn't respond. She was used to facing disciplinary measures, and she learned it was always best to let her silence do the talking.

"This is a formal warning for you. A strike. If you get two more of these, then I'm afraid we'll have to send you back to Metroid." He slid a piece of paper towards her.

She eyed it, but returned to boring holes into the ceiling.

Master Hand sighed in frustrated. "Help me understand, Samus. You've never been one to be late to a fight, let alone miss one entirely. Is there something going on? Are you injured? Ill? We have many resources to help you."

Samus huffed. She just wanted to leave. Lighting up with Ike sounded so good right now.

"Miss Aran," Master Hand repeated. "Please, tell me this is a one-time thing. Your departure would be a terrible loss for the tournament. Perhaps if we reschedule your fight for tomorrow we can forget about-"

"No!" Samus had to speak up. She glared at him. "Do not reschedule this! I'll take my strike and be off now, thank you."

Master Hand stood aghast, unused to such emotion from her. "Fine," he backed off. "Then take this and go. I'll let Pit know that you have forfeited the match."

Samus snatched the paper from his desk and stormed out of the room. As she stomped through the halls, she tore the strike into dozens of tiny pieces, letting them flutter onto the floor. Good fucking riddance.

* * *

 **Peach and Ike are actually my faves. But, Rosalina exists. Hope to have an update for you guys soon!**


	9. Ike

**AN: Okay this chapter is TRULY my baby. It's Ike-centric, hence the chapter name, but I actually love it. It's kind of serious, but I tried to intersperse some less-serious moments here and there.**

 **I realized that Ike is honestly the quintessential bro, and I write a lot of my male characters like him. He's perfect, honestly, and I hope that comes through in this chapter. If you've watched the _Clone Wars_ TV show, he's like Anakin in it. (obviously I wrote Ike before I watched that show). **

**So please let me know what you think of this one. Also, a reader suggested I bring back Roy. I did write him into this chapter, and I had a story written for him (such that he would redeem Rosalina and they would get together), but it didn't fit and I was juggling too many characters. He's not very well-developed and I never really want to redeem Rosalina.**

 **So, here it is. Again, lemme know what you think of Ike and whatnot here.**

* * *

Rosalina headed to her fight with Ike with new resolve. She had been looking forward to this ever since Bowser Jr. told her Peach's dirty little secret. That cloyingly perfect princess got all the attention, and it was time to take her down a peg.

Ike didn't seem to be in the mood for pleasantries before the match. He stood across from Rosalina on the stage, battle-ready. Rosalina, however, was planning to draw this out. She drew Luma towards her shoulder and gave the mercenary a sly smile. He would not be prepared for her.

"Ready…Go!"

Ike charged towards the cosmic princess, sword raised up. Rosalina deftly dodged his attack and jumped high in the air onto a ledge. Ike climbed up behind her, swinging his sword at her feet. Rosalina threw Luma at him to bop him on the head, dazing him for a moment. Then, she giggled and jumped off onto another ledge, endlessly toying with him.

"Get! Back! Here!" Ike roared, unleashing a torrent of fire from his blade.

"You'll have to catch me first!"

Ike had no patience for this fight. Rosalina was tiring him out by making him run around after her. He was a slow runner and used all his energy in close-range attacks. This was not his type of battle.

After twenty minutes, Rosalina paused to watch him breathe heavily and wipe the sweat off his brow. How easy it was to make him vulnerable. She sauntered towards him, but remained just far enough to keep out of reach. "You'll never guess what I learned about your girlfriend yesterday."

"Shut up, Roz," he was taking deep breaths. "I know you two don't like each other. I'm not getting involved."

"Oh, but this concerns you," she grinned.

Ike frowned and went on the attack again, leaping high in the air to come down on her with his sword.

Rosalina simply stepped aside. His movements were too predictable now that his mind was racing as fast as his heart. "Tell me, Ike," she unleashed a stream of her star energy at him, stunning him. "Did you get a chance to see her over Christmas?"

"I said, shut up, Roz!" Ike clenched his fists.

"Did you ever ask her where she was during that time?"

Ike remembered. Peach had gotten kidnapped. But he wasn't about to entertain Rosalina with an answer.

"She was with Bowser, as you know," Rosalina was bringing him to his knees as she attacked him over and over with her powers. "And their son."

Ike yelled and fought through her magic, standing up to deliver a heavy blow onto the princess. It connected, and Rosalina was momentarily taken aback. "Fight me!" Ike raged, annoyed with her talking. He lunged at her again.

As he came dangerously close, Rosalina decided to finally stop him in his tracks. "She cheated on you!" She shouted.

Ike's sword dropped onto the stage with a clang. With wide eyes, he stared at the princess. "W-What?"

"Bowser Jr. said he saw them kissing, but I doubt that was all." She crossed her arms haughtily.

The fire returned to Ike's eyes as he glared at her. "You're lying!"

She shrugged. "Fine, don't believe me. Why don't you ask Peach yourself, then?"

"I don't need to ask her! She wouldn't do that to me!" Ike's voice cracked at the last sentence. For a moment, he wasn't so sure he even believed himself.

But Ike was defeated. And Rosalina knew it. She stared him down until the realization and hurt slowly consumed him. Her job was done. She began to walk away. "Finish him off, Luma."

The star flew towards Ike to complete the battle, and for once, the swordsman could not fight back.

* * *

Ike trudged back to his room feeling like absolute shit. He collapsed onto his bed and buried his face into a pillow. He just wanted to die here. That would be fine with him. He couldn't even will himself up to shower after that embarrassing loss. Whoever found his dead body would have to deal with how gross he was.

The worst part was that he believed Rosalina instantly. There was no doubt in his mind that Peach had cheated. What kind of relationship was this? Of course she would cheat on him. He was nothing but a lowly mercenary. She wanted a prince, a king, a leader. Bowser had money and land and castles and an army. They probably spent so much time together talking about…whatever rich people talk about. They had known each other for years. Ike was merely a fling for her, someone hot that she could fuck while she was at the Mansion. He fooled himself into thinking he was anything more and that he could _ever_ be something more.

He groaned and pulled his covers over his head. He cared for Peach so much. Still. He would do so much for her. Any time they spent together were the happiest moments of his day. But at the same time, this didn't feel worth it. He wanted to give her his all, but clearly she didn't want it. She didn't want him. She was probably with Bowser right now getting plowed by that spiny dragon dick.

Ike couldn't do this. Moping was not his thing. He slapped his hand around his nightstand, feeling for his phone. Once he found it, he curled into bed with it and texted Samus. He needed to forget.

* * *

Samus marched into Ike's room and saw a lump of blankets on the floor next to the bed. She rolled her eyes at her pathetic excuse of a friend and kicked it. "Get up, you lazy sack of shit."

Ike moaned in pain and hid himself lower.

"What are you doing on the floor like that?"

"Dying," he whined.

"Give me your weed before you die."

A tanned, muscular arm emerged from the pile and dropped a baggie at her feet. "Start it up for me."

Samus sighed and picked it up. She headed for the balcony and pulled the rolling papers from her pocket. She wasn't about to wait for that loser.

Ike shuffled out onto the balcony ten minutes later and watched the bounty hunter relax on a chair with her eyes closed, smoking. "Way to call me," he grumbled.

Samus looked his way. "Are you crying?"

"No," Ike squinted his bloodshot eyes shut as he took a seat next to her, still wrapped in his comforter.

"You fucking pussy." She passed him the joint.

He took a long drag and breathed it in, already feeling more relaxed. He passed it back. "Aren't you gonna ask me what's wrong?"

She snorted, "You're implying that I care about your day."

He smiled a little. "You do care."

They were quiet for a few minutes as they smoked, letting their high wash over their bodies. Eventually, Ike realized that Samus would never ask. "Peach cheated on me." The words sounded foreign in his own mouth once he said it.

Samus glanced at him. "That…sucks."

He looked down, focusing intently on his toes.

"I'm honestly not surprised," she finally continued.

He sighed, "Me neither."

She raised an eyebrow, "Then why are you upset?"

"Because I thought she would change."

Samus rolled her eyes, "She cheated on Bowser to get with you. She had you two _fight_ for her because she couldn't pick. This had warning signs all over it from the very beginning."

Ike scowled. The pot tasted sour all of a sudden.

"What are you gonna do?" Samus asked, opening a bag of chips and handing to him for comfort.

He couldn't think. His mind was in turmoil. "I don't know. What would you do if your boyfriend cheated on you?"

"I'd kick his ass." She sneered. "Then I'd kick her ass. And then I'd cut off his dick and stuff it into her vagina, because that's clearly what they both want."

He chuckled. Hearing that felt better than this terrible high. "Sam?"

"Don't call me that," she snapped.

He ignored her. "We're friends, right?"

"Acquaintances, at most."

"Would you cheat on me?"

Samus had no idea what he meant, but at the same time, she knew exactly what he meant. "I don't cheat."

"I figured," he smiled weakly at her. "You're my friend, bounty hunter."

She gave him a look of disgust, "Uh, no, I'm not."

"You're my nerd friend."

"I'm not a nerd."

"You're a nerd." He smiled much more widely now. "You're the biggest nerd I know. That's why we get along."

"Really? How?"

"I saw your room," he crossed his arms. "How many times have you read _A Song of Ice and Fire_?"

She scoffed, "Everyone likes _Game of Thrones_. That doesn't count."

"Oh yeah?" He leaned in, his eyes gleaming. "Does the theory R+L=J mean anything to you?"

Samus's eyes widened in recognition, but she didn't want to spoil anything so she kept her mouth shut.

"Face it. You're a dork." He was pleased.

"Look who's talking!" She frowned at him. "Your in-depth character analysis of Anakin Skywalker during our Star Wars marathon was a borderline case study! Who the hell psycho-analyzes a fictional character like that?"

"You were just as involved!" Ike laughed.

Samus laughed too, mostly out of annoyance. But before she knew it, she and Ike were doubling over in their chairs cracking up. They were both so frustrated by their personal lives, and it felt amazing to just relax and let loose with each other, with no passing judgment between them. They needed this laugh.

Ike wiped his eyes and straightened back up, looking over at Samus. As she continued to laugh, he couldn't help but notice how…beautiful she was. He had always thought she was hot, and maybe it was the weed, but today, she looked exceptional. Her cheeks were glowing from both the light of the setting sun and her high. Her thin blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail at the top of her head, but her laughter had shaken some of the strands loose onto her forehead. Her tits were…well, they were her tits. Ike had been mesmerized with them since she took off the suit. In that moment, in the stupor of his high and in his distress over Peach, he could focus on nothing else but her.

Without really thinking, he reached out and slowly brushed her hair from her face, giving her a dazed, but sweet smile.

Samus flinched and stared at him. "What are you doing?"

He pulled his hand back and reddened. "I…I'm sorry."

Anxiety flowed through Samus and her heart beat faster. Really, what was he doing? She felt herself sobering up quickly.

But Ike didn't notice her discomfort. He was in so much pain and so distraught that he really couldn't think clearly at all. He began leaning in closer to her and closed his eyes.

Samus tensed and her breath caught in her throat. Was he…no. No, he couldn't be. But he kept coming closer. But before she could stop herself, she glanced down at his lips, licking her own in anticipation.

Ike pressed his lips against hers tenderly. It was barely a kiss. But Samus didn't retreat. She shut her eyes tightly and sucked in her breath. Ike lifted his hand to her cheek and kissed her harder. Samus was confused, but kissed him back, challenging him. Soon, she felt his tongue tracing against her lips, trying to open them. She did, very hesitantly, and he hurriedly slipped his heavy tongue inside her mouth. He tasted of pot and smoke. He took her whole face in his hands and urgently, sloppily made out with her. His teeth gnashed against her upper lip as he tried to keep her in his hold so she wouldn't even separate from him to catch her breath. Samus was in complete shock.

One of his hands lowered to her shirt, clutching the material tightly. He cupped one of her breasts and grunted a little against her lips. He couldn't wait anymore. He yanked down the neck of her shirt and tweaked her nipple with his rough fingers. Then he lowered his head, causing her to gasp for air, and enveloped the dark pink peak with his hot mouth, leaving a wet sheen on her skin.

"Ike," she whimpered, "Don't."

"Please," he begged, kissing her neck.

She squirmed under his touch, but instead of moving away, she slid her hand under his shirt and ran it up his abs, touching every muscle he had. But once her fingers habitually made it down to his waistband, she had to pull away. "Enough!" Samus cried out. "We can't do this."

Ike looked at her, his eyes glistening with tears and his lips swollen and red. He opened his mouth to protest, but instead dropped his head into his hands. "You're right. This is wrong."

"This isn't you, Ike," Samus tucked her breast away and wiped her mouth.

"I know." He sniffled. "It hurts so much, Samus."

Samus cringed at her distraught friend, but awkwardly reached out and patted his back. "Uh, you'll get through this."

He seemed relaxed by her attempt at showing care. "How?"

"Well, you can try not using me as a rebound," she smirked.

He smiled a little. "You liked it. You felt me up."

She frowned, "You started it."

"I didn't make you continue."

She shoved him away and stood up. "You completely killed my high, you know that?"

He got up too and gave her a tight hug. "I saw your boobs," he whispered in her ear.

"Goddamnit, Ike!" She wriggled out of his arms and spun around to head for the door. She reached the threshold and stopped, turning around to look at him. "Did you like them?"

Ike grinned, "Yeah. You're really hot."

Samus felt a surge of confidence. "Thanks," she gripped the doorframe. "You should talk to Peach."

He sighed, "I know."

Once Samus left, Ike sat back down and finished the joint. He wanted to be as calm as possible before facing Peach. Plus, he needed to cool down in general. Kissing Samus had made him far too heated for his own sake.

Ike thought about hopping into the shower before seeing her, but remembered the last time he showered while baked: pure ecstasy. He had stood there for an hour, sobbing at the magic of the hot water. He couldn't be distracted like that now. He changed his shirt and sprayed himself with Febreze, then headed off to see Peach in her room.

* * *

Princess Peach opened the door of her bedroom to see her blue-haired boyfriend with red eyes and a glassy expression on his face. She grimaced at the sight and the smell, "Are you…stoned?"

"No," Ike lied, a bit of panic rising through his system. How did she know? He brushed past her and went to go sit on her chair. No, that made him look too vulnerable. He needed an edge. He stood up so he could tower over her. No, that would make him look too intimidating. He sat back down. No…

Peach watched, bemused, as he went back and forth. "You're high as fuck," she noted.

"I've literally never been more sober."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Just sit down."

Ike did. Wait. She couldn't tell him what to do! He stood up and faced her. "Peach…"

She tilted her head and gazed up at him.

Ike swallowed, his mouth suddenly so dry. Why did she have to look at him like that? Her doll-like face and perfect heart-shaped lips almost made him forget why he was there.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked quietly.

Now he remembered. "Why don't you tell me?" He demanded.

"Tell you what?"

"Why I'm here."

Peach opened her arms, "Ike, I have no idea why you're here."

"Well, I do!"

"Clearly. That's why you came here," she sassed.

He ran his hands through his hair. "Peach, Rosalina told me."

Peach's face hardened at the name. "What did that bitch say?"

Ike's jaw clenched. "Everything."

"About…?"

"You. And Bowser."

Peach stiffened, a chill running down her spine. "About how we have a son?" She said weakly, trying to guide him off-path. "You know that already."

"No," he approached her, the pain seeping through his voice. "About how you two spent Christmas together. And you weren't acting like just his hostage."

Peach's fingers tightened as she made a fist. "I _was_ his hostage."

"Please, Peach," Ike's chest heaved as all of his sadness hit him at once. "I may not be a princess or something but I'm not stupid. I know you were…with him."

She bit her tongue, not wanting to say anything to upset him more.

"Why, Princess?" He begged. "Is it…is it because I don't have money? Or a title? Is that what you want? Am I not…am I not good enough for you?"

Peach's breath faltered. "No, Ike," she extended her hand to him, but he shied away. "I told you I don't care about that."

"But you did. At the beach."

"I cared that you lied about it."

"But now you're lying," Ike said. "You slept with Bowser, didn't you?"

Peach gulped. She knew Ike liked her a lot more than she liked him, but that didn't make his confrontation any easier. She could never see another person in so much pain, especially because of her. Her heart truly ached for him. She didn't follow through with the commitment he so furiously fought for and now it was coming back to haunt her. Now, she was at risk of losing the man who wanted so desperately to make her happy.

Ike searched her big blue eyes, seeing the truth in them even in his dazed state. He sunk to his knees on the floor and dropped his head into his hands, covering his face. And then, he did something Peach never thought she would witness in her life – he cried. His shoulders shook with grief and muffled sobs emerged from his throat.

Peach couldn't bear it. She had reduced a once powerful, strong man into this. And for what? For sex? With an evil loser? The perfect guy was right here for her, and she took him for granted. She fell to the floor right in front of him. "Ike…" she touched his arm.

"Don't!" He pulled away from her and wiped his flushed face. "Don't, Peach."

She watched him for a few moments, slowly starting to hate herself. "Ike, I'm so, so, so sorry. Please, we can work through this."

"No!" He stood up abruptly. Too abruptly, in fact. His head was dizzy as he spoke. "We're not working through anything. This isn't…" he took a deep breath, steadying himself. "I don't think this is worth it."

Peach was in shock. "What?"

"How do you expect me to forgive you for this, huh? How do you expect me to move on or even be okay with it? You had me believing that if I fought for you, I'd win you over for good. But that meant nothing, did it? You ran right back into his arms the moment I was gone," he argued, his pain turning to anger.

Peach was afraid now. "You don't mean that, Ike. You're high. We're going to-"

"Who fucking cares if I'm high?" He yelled. "Stop making excuses! You cheated on me! No, you never committed to me at all! You've always been with him! You wasted my time and just led me on!" He took a deep breath, his face dejected. "You hurt me, Peach. Really bad."

Tears sprung to her eyes as the gravitas of his words stunned her. "But, Ike…" she tried to search for anything to fix this. "I don't want this to be over. It can't be."

"This was over before it ever began," he snapped. "I tried to be cool about the Bowser Jr. thing but I knew that just meant you and him were always going to be connected. I seriously wasted my fucking time."

His words stung. She agreed that she fucked up and broke his heart, but wasted his time? Really? So everything they did together meant…nothing? "Do you mean that?" She whispered. "That you wasted your time?"

He glared at her. "Yes. I mean it. I never should have hooked up with you in the first place."

The tears started to stream silently down her cheek. "Don't say that, Ike. We were so happy. We _can_ be happy. Just give me another chance."

He shook his head.

"I'm your doll, remember?" She pled.

His heart panged at the name, and for a split second, he thought he could do this. Maybe they could get over this. It was just sex. Not a big deal. She was alone and under Bowser's control. Ike wasn't there for her.

But he couldn't. There was no hope. He knew he was never fully with her in the first place. She would always go back to Bowser. Ike could never be that for her. He had to let this go.

"I'll let you sleep with someone else," she bargained desperately, interrupting his thoughts.

Ike stared. "Do you honestly think that's what I want?"

Peach didn't know. She was confused and upset, and it showed.

"Forget it, Princess," he turned away from her and headed for the door.

"Wait! Please!" She ran after him. "Please! At least…at least don't let this ruin our friendship!"

He gave her one more look, absolutely certain she was joking. "You're kidding, right, Peach?"

"…No?"

He chuckled bitterly. "Goodbye, Peach. Have fun with Bowser." He walked out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving Peach to lean back against the wall in despair at what she had done.

But before Ike could fully walk out of her life, he turned to shout at the door, "You don't even taste like peaches anyway!"

That would do it.

* * *

 **Don't be mad. I love IkexPeach too, but it had to be done. Also I tried to mimic that Ike and Samus moment after my own experiences, so I hope that felt...kind of more real. It's supposed to be really sloppy and gross**


	10. Betrayal

**Please don't hate me. I promised I would finish this...six months ago. Then internship. New boyfriend. Semester. Well finally, here I am. I have two chapters left. I am so sorry I put this off. I hope this is good!**

* * *

The Smash Mansion was not a happy place. Brawlers were growing beyond antsy with the lack of visitors and inability to leave. Friends were starting to hate each other. There hadn't been any parties all season. The forced bonding was all a farce. And to make it all worse, everyone's stashes were running dangerously low since delivery stopped a few weeks earlier.

Ike had taken the full brunt of everyone's anger. He was being blamed for the lack of shipments. It was his fault and he knew it, but he didn't care to do anything about it. He had delved into deep self-loathing since breaking up with Peach, hiding in his room at all hours and talking to no one. He couldn't even catch up on his shows.

Peach herself was going through a tough time. Ike's friends had completely alienated her, pissed at her actions. She couldn't be mad at them. She understood. She fucked up and now she was dealing with the consequences. Her only friend left was Zelda, and even the Hylian was too busy with her boyfriend to make time for her.

To make it even worse, Peach had gone back to Bowser with her tail between her legs, hoping he would take her back. He, of course, cackled and slammed the door shut in her face. This rejection stung more than anything, and now Peach was truly alone.

The only happy one seemed to be Marth, who had gotten leave to go see Caeda. He told Master Hand that Caeda was ill and he had to care for her, but really, he was over Rosalina's scheming and wanted to cuddle with his girlfriend for a solid weekend.

But the news of Marth's approval for leave made one swordsman very, very angry. Link stormed to Master Hand's office with every intention to let the boss have it for denying his request to get out of there once again.

"What is this?" Link barged into the office and brandished a piece of paper high. "What the fuck is this?"

Master Hand glanced up at the steaming mad Hylian. "Link, calm down, I-"

"No!" Link slammed the paper down onto his desk. He was not one to lose his cool, but now that he did, Master Hand was going to listen to him. "This is ridiculous, Master Hand! Why are you denying my leave _again_? This is the fourth time!"

"Link, I don't think it's necessary to-"

"To hell with what you think!" Link pounded his fist on the wooden surface. A nice civil conversation would probably move this along better, but Link was straight up tired of being diplomatic. He wasn't Zelda. He was a warrior. "This doesn't make any sense. I'm just asking for one night. We're not even going that far! Just to town! For dinner!"

"I understand that but-"

Link had to bite his tongue to keep from whining, but he found it difficult to do. "I am going crazy in here, Master Hand. We all are. These rules are fucking ridiculous and you know it. The tournament was more successful without them. And now…now you give Marth leave for an entire weekend but you deny me a date night? What gives? Why do you hate me? I'm fucking iconic to this franchise!"

Master Hand sighed, rolling his eyes if he could. "Link, calm down. I don't hate you. This isn't personal at all."

"Then why?" The Hylian was exasperated. "God, I'm too old to be parented like this."

"You're right," Master Hand agreed. "Honestly, I've been noticing too much imbalance here lately. I didn't expect the rules to be this bad. Maybe I should have eased them in better. You know, I've even heard rumors that there was some…smuggling operation going on. Can you believe that? This isn't the Prohibition."

Link stiffened, glancing at Master Hand before looking away. How much did he know?

But Master Hand noticed that. "You…you know about this, don't you?"

Link forced a laugh. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"No, you do!" Master Hand became angry. "I can't believe it! You, Link? You're one of the good ones!"

Link now didn't have to force his laugh.

"Alright," Master Hand rose to his full height. "What's going on? Tell me right now."

Link crumpled up the paper in his fist. "Forget it. I'll just have Zelda apply or something." He turned for the door.

"Stop right there." Master Hand demanded.

The swordsman reached the door, so close to freedom.

"If you tell me, I'll grant you leave."

Link paused. "What did you say?"

"If you tell me what you know about the smuggling, I'll let you go out."

Link felt his heart beating quickly. Could…could he snitch? No. No, that was awful. These were his friends! His best friends! But…his princess. He just wanted to take her out. She was so kind and good to him, and back in Hyrule she did so much for him. There was little he could do for her, since, let's be real – he couldn't afford that much. This was just one thing! Something romantic. A grand gesture to celebrate their love.

But… "I don't know shit." Link lied through his teeth. He desperately wanted a date night, but he knew Zelda would respect him more for keeping this secret. "Can I go now?"

Master Hand wasn't done. "I'll give you a weekend."

Link's heart stopped now. A weekend? An entire weekend? He couldn't. He shouldn't! They just had an entire break off together!

"A weekend and…exemption from mandatory activities for a week."

"A month," Link countered.

"A month," Master Hand agreed. "Do we have a deal?"

Link thought it over. It wasn't like he would get in trouble, right? And honestly, they wouldn't know it was him. Anyone could have snitched. Why, he could blame some of the more villainous brawlers! "I just have to give you a name?"

"Well, a little more than that. I mean, that could be a start."

Link pursed his lips, still thinking.

"Link. You're our star. Help me out here. Help me so I can help you. Just tell me something. Anything."

"Anything?" Link raised an eyebrow. "Okay, Master Hand."

The boss leaned forward excitedly.

"Go fuck yourself." Link turned around and marched out of the office. Yeah, he wasn't a snitch.

* * *

Pit was back in the gym, finishing up a long workout session. He glanced in the mirror and had to smile a bit. He was looking good! He had been spending a lot of time here, since everything else sucked, and it was actually paying off. At least there was something to be happy about.

"Hey," the Wii Fit trainer spotted him and gave him a wink as she waltzed in. "What's up?"

"Oh, not much," he waved at her. "Done for the day," he pointed back to the weights.

"Aw, that's too bad. I was hoping you'd join me."

Pit sighed. He was tired, but some company sounded nice. "I could do like a post-workout stretch."

She beamed and took his hand, leading him to the mats lining the back wall. She placed both hands against the mirror and stretched her legs back one by one, making sure to lift them as high as they would go.

"Yeah, I can't do that," Pit's eyes widened as he watched her. "I probably can't even get higher than your knee."

"Try it."

He leaned against the glass and tried lifting one of his legs back.

She giggled and bent down, "No, no. You're not doing this right. I know you can do this," she placed a hand on his thigh and another on his knee. "How does this feel?" She pushed it up.

He cleared his throat, his face reddening. "Not…good."

She laughed and dropped it. "Okay, maybe you're not as flexible as I thought."

"I'm getting better! You've been a great teacher."

"And you've been a great student," she smiled at him. "By the end of this tournament, I promise to get you to at least straighten your leg."

He chuckled, "I don't know. That might be difficult. But I'll try."

"And you could teach me a thing or two about weightlifting," she playfully hit his arm.

He nervously rubbed his arm. "I don't really know what I'm doing. I just spend a lot of time here. I think that's all it is."

"Well, you're looking pretty strong. I bet you could pick up two of me."

He nodded. "Maybe. Probably not. I don't know."

The two settled in an awkward silence for a moment. That conversation was…weird. Pit didn't know what to think of it. He kind of just wanted to go back to his room and be alone, as per usual. "Um," he finally spoke up, "I think I'm-"

But he wouldn't finish his sentence. The Wii Fit trainer placed her hands on his shoulders, lifting her head to give him a small kiss on the corner of his mouth. She dropped down and smiled coyly, her pale cheeks turning pink.

Pit froze in his spot. Did she just…?

"Sorry!" She bit her lip in worry. "I thought…well, I thought you…" she sighed. "I thought you liked me."

He looked her over nervously. He was hoping this wasn't another Rosalina situation. And honestly, he didn't even notice that she was interested.

"Sorry," she apologized again, embarrassed. "I'll just go." She turned around.

"Wait!" He called after her. He couldn't stand seeing someone be so upset because of him.

She stopped in her tracks and looked back.

"I like you too, but-"

That was all Pit needed to say. The Wii Fit trainer ran back and pressed her lips against his. Well, okay then. Pit was going to tell her she was just a friend to him, but…this attention…was nice. He wrapped his arms around her back to draw her close as she hung off his neck, kissing him harder.

This was wrong. This felt wrong. Well, actually, it felt good. But still. Wrong. The Wii Fit trainer pushed him against the wall, her teeth clacking against his as they made out. He clutched at her hair, then hurriedly tugged off her hair-tie so he could run his fingers through the brown locks. His mind kept telling him to stop, but his body was too deprived of any human touch to listen.

It was when she was sucking on his neck that Pit heard two voices coming from near the door. He lazily opened his eyes, but they widened the moment he recognized who was there.

Samus had finally convinced Ike to leave his room. Since he wasn't getting laid, what better way to lift his spirits than a good old-fashioned romp in the gym? ( _Side note: anyone who actually thinks this way is wrong_ ).

"Ooo, I hear someone making out in there!" Ike giddily ran in. "Oh, shit!" He gasped once he saw who. Immediately, he covered Samus's eyes, just as Pit pushed the trainer away from him.

"Get the fuck off of me," Samus shoved Ike's hand away, giving his wrist a good twist for measure. The second she turned back to the room, she wished his hand was on her face again. Her heart dropped to her stomach, and she took a shaky step backwards.

"Sam!" Pit immediately called, having successfully smoothed back his hair and wiped off his mouth. "This isn't what it looks like!"

The Wii Fit trainer was offended. "Then, what is this?"

Pit didn't care about her. He dashed after the bounty hunter, who had stormed angrily out of the gym.

Ike laughed the moment they were both gone. He was definitely cheered up now.

"Sam!" Pit kept shouting as he looked for her. "Where are you?" He kept searching frantically. How did she get away from him so fast?

He spotted a familiar yellow brawler bouncing along with his friends nearby. Quickly, he scurried over. "Pikachu!" He bent down and grabbed him. "Have you seen Samus?"

Pikachu eyed him warily, distrustful.

"Please!" Pit begged. "I'm not going to hurt her. I want to talk to her!"

With a little huff, Pikachu looked towards the front door to the mansion. She had gone out. Pit thanked him and ran outside, hoping to find her somewhere.

Meanwhile, Samus was in the woods, opening up the box she had her little Pokemon hide there weeks ago. Fuck this. Fuck him. Fuck boys. What use were they anyway? She had more fun on her own. All they did was hurt her or hit on her. Fuck that.

She ripped off the top of the scotch and took a long gulp. Fuck, this was good. But she couldn't even enjoy it. The asshole that gave it to her clearly was over her. Just like she was over him! She lifted the bottle high in the air and smashed it against the ground. Good riddance.

One by one, she began breaking the contents of the box. Goodbye ice balls. Goodbye glasses. Fuck you all to hell. Now for the box itself. It wouldn't smash well. That was a bummer. She pulled her gun from her holster and shot it to pieces instead. Effective.

The sound of the gun brought Pit running. "Sam!" He called again. He saw her standing over shards of glass and wood, then looked at her with concern. "Are you okay? I heard shooting."

She trained her gun on him. "Go away."

He held his hands up in defense. "I'm not here to fight you. I just want to clear things up."

She stood unwavering. She didn't want to hear him – not now, not ever. It hurt her more than she expected to see him kissing someone else. Sure, they weren't together, but it still pained her in a way she couldn't understand.

"She and I…" Pit started, realizing she wouldn't speak. "We're just friends."

"That doesn't look like friends."

"But we are! I don't know what that was!" He took a cautious step closer. "Listen, Sam-"

"Don't call me that!"

"Samus," he corrected. "I've been…well…it's been pretty tough since we got back. The delivery stuff and the strikes," he threw a hand up. "I haven't had many people to talk to."

Her grip on her gun loosened a little, but she still kept it pointed at his chest.

"She was there. I talked to her. She kissed me. I…" he sighed. "I kissed her back." He looked down glumly. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" She lowered her weapon. "We're not together. It doesn't matter."

"It didn't feel right. It felt like I was…betraying you. Or something."

"Do whatever you want," she stuffed the gun away. "I don't care."

"I care!" He pointed to himself. "I don't want to hurt you. And I know I did," he motioned to the gun.

"Kiss whoever you want. Fuck whoever you want." She waved him off, turning to go.

"Samus, I won't!" He called after her. "I can't! I can't be with anyone else!"

"Sucks for you. I've already started with Ike."

Pit's heart sank. He felt pangs running through his body in waves. What? She…so she was, what? Sleeping with Ike? Dating Ike? His "friend" Ike? As the bounty hunter walked away, he looked down at the mess on the ground. Ugh, he recognized his gift to her, destroyed beyond belief. Why did this hurt so much? They broke up what felt like forever ago. They were allowed to see other people. But a part of him still belonged to her. A major part of him. How long would this misery go on?

* * *

Back in the house, Link was cuddling with Zelda in their bed. She was reading, and he had his arms around her, focused on 8-ball on his phone.

"Hey," she turned her head up to look at him in between chapters. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fucking terrible at this game."

"No, not that," she giggled. "You seem…off."

"Do I?"

She nodded, grazing her fingertips along his jaw. "Your eyes aren't so bright."

He smiled at her. How did he go so long without her? They knew each other too well. He gave her a soft kiss. "That meeting with Master Hand did not go well earlier."

"It's alright. We don't need to go out. I'm happy here."

"I just want to treat you, Zee. You do so much for me."

"You do treat me," she touched the pendant at her neck.

"I want to give you a night out. Take you to dinner or a watch party. Anything you want. Just not here."

She turned so she was facing him. "I want to go out too. But it's not worth getting in trouble."

"Oh, thank God," he breathed a sigh of relief. "I almost made the worst deal with Master Hand to get a weekend away with you."

She squinted at him. "What deal?"

"He offered me a weekend away with you, plus a month off mandatory activities, if I gave him some info about Ike's little smuggling ring."

"What?" Zelda was shocked, sitting up straight now. "What does he know?"

"Just that it existed. And I guess that I was involved. Or that I know something about it."

"Link!" She took his shoulders. "You cannot get in trouble for this!"

"Hey, hey, I won't," he assured her.

"No, I'm serious. If you get caught…" she shook her head, not wanting to think about it. "Turn in the others, but protect yourself."

"What? No, Zee. I'm not going to do that."

"Why not?"

"They're my friends! They're your friends! I'm one of the faces of this franchise! He won't kick me out! But he'll kick out Marth or Ike."

"Yes, they're our friends, but…" she sighed. "They almost threw Pit under the bus. Pit! An angel! How do you know they won't do that to you?"

"They won't." Link said, but now he wasn't feeling so sure. He shook himself of any self-doubt. "They're. Our. Friends. They wouldn't do that."

"Link, go tell Master Hand you're not involved or I will," she pointed to the door.

"No!" He got up out of the bed to frown at her. "What the hell, Zelda? Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"

She crossed her arms. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"If I turn them in, I'm no worse than they are!"

She glanced away. "You're doing this for us."

"I'm not going to get kicked out. If I do…" he huffed. "Well, we both live in Hyrule anyways. It'll be fine."

She pouted. "I am still the smart one."

"Oh yeah?" He stifled a smile. "How so?"

"Because your plan is dumb. It doesn't matter if I still see you at the end of the season. You and I can't go a day without each other. You should know that."

He grinned widely, "I'm still not turning them in."

She rolled her eyes. "Then don't come crying to me when this whole operation gets blown apart."

"I will always come to you," he leaned down to give her a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

 **One more chapter to go. You have permission to murder me if I don't finish it soon.**


	11. Finale

**Here we are. Final chapter. This is the end of the saga. Probably won't go the way we all want, but hey! It's all wrapped up!**

* * *

It seemed like everywhere Pit went, someone was whispering. About him. The angel had been flying the halls, as per usual, but had been growing concerned about the amount of gossip going around. He was avoiding his room because being alone meant he had to confront his feelings about Samus. He was avoiding the gym for fear of seeing the Wii Fit trainer. He was avoiding break and game rooms so that he wouldn't have to run into his old friends. But now, it seemed he had to avoid the halls too, as everyone was staring at him.

A beeping sound came over the loudspeakers and a booming voice began to announce: "Pit to Master Hand's office. Pit to Master Hand's office."

The angel paled, slowing down in his flight to set himself down on the floor. Now more people were looking his way. What in the world was going on? Was he in trouble? Was that even possible?

He went directly to Master Hand's office and knocked anxiously on the door. Once allowed in, he went inside to see the leader patiently awaiting him, with Crazy Hand not far off. "Hello, Sirs," Pit greeted.

"Pit," Master Hand sighed. "Please, have a seat."

The angel did so, crossing his hands in his lap. His wide, blue eyes blinked innocently as he looked between the two brothers.

"Pit," Master Hand repeated. "Do you know why you're here?"

"Honestly, Sir, I do not."

He ruffled through some papers on his desk. "Earlier, I gave you a strike for possession of alcohol, correct?"

"Yes, Sir. I'm still very sorry about that."

"Pit, you are a very responsible young man. I think, of all the brawlers your age, you are the finest role model we have here. I know I put you on many of the team activities, but it is because I truly believe you lead a great example to the younger ones," Master Hand began.

Pit smiled. "Thank you! That means a lot."

"Unfortunately," Master Hand tapped on the desk, "your actions do not mirror our expectations for you."

Pit was confused. "Excuse me?"

He sighed, a much longer one this time. "It has come to our attention that there has been some sort of…contraband smuggling operation going on."

Pit tensed.

"And that you…were the one in charge of delivery."

The angel's mind crashed. Everything just fell apart. He vowed to himself he wouldn't get in trouble again after that first strike. It was a terrible, terrible experience. But this was so, so much worse. He felt himself sinking into deeper and deeper shit as Master Hand went over what he discovered. Pit couldn't even listen to the lecture. All he felt was self-loathing at getting involved at all.

"I cannot contain this to just strikes," Master Hand continued after some time. "Pit, I am so, so sorry, but we're going to have to send you back home."

"What?" Pit felt all the air leave his body.

"I really hate to do this-"

"Then don't!" Pit had to shout. "I…" he wanted to say he did nothing wrong, but he did. He knew he did.

"I'm incredibly disappointed in you, Pit," Master Hand shook his head. "I expected something like this from Ike, maybe. Or Bowser. Not you."

Pit dropped his head in his hands. Maybe this was…good? He hated being here. Every day was miserable. Maybe he could go home. Refresh. Be with his family. He could forget all about this horrible place and everyone he met here.

"I'll give you time to say goodbyes and pack up. Tomorrow morning, please come back here so we can sign you out."

And just like that, Pit's future with the tournament was over. He took a minute to regain his breath, then slowly trudged out of the room. There was reason to be optimistic, yes, but he truly felt like he had just been hit and run over by a truck. And for what? What was all this for? So other people could get high? Drunk? What a waste. Maybe Rosalina was right.

* * *

Word of Pit's expulsion spread quickly, just as word of his involvement had. Everyone knew he was in trouble, but no one expected a literal angel to be kicked out.

When Ike heard, he was awash with guilt. This was his fault and he knew it. He immediately called a meeting with his co-conspirators in some attempt to fix this.

"We fucked up," Ike exhaled deeply. "We really, really fucked up."

"How dare all of you?" Zelda snapped. "You knew getting Pit involved was a bad idea! Ike, you and Marth better go turn yourselves in right now!"

"Why not Link?" Marth asked. "He was just as involved as I was!"

Zelda clutched onto Link's shirt. "No."

Link sighed, rubbing his temples. "I feel really shitty about this. We can't let Pit, of all people, take the fall." He sighed again. "We really shouldn't have done this. Was it even worth it?"

"Hell yeah it was," Ike eyed him. "It was kinda awesome, having everyone need us and come to us. Felt so powerful for a bit, you know?"

"Aw, look who just wanted to be popular," Marth teased.

"Man, shut up."

The door flew open and in barged Samus. She was furious, her face red and her eyes almost glowing with anger. "What did you all do?!" She shouted, pulling out her gun. "What did you do?!"

"Yo, chill, chill!" Marth stood up and extended his hand to calm her. "We didn't do anything!"

"You did!" She went to him and grabbed him by the throat. "You want me to believe this was all that angel's idea?"

"Samus!" Ike yelled. "Calm down! We can talk about this!"

"No!" She let go of Marth, barreling towards the mercenary now. "You said this would be okay! You said you would protect him!" She shoved at his chest. "What the hell, Ike?"

Ike looked into her eyes and immediately saw the despair. She was way more hurt than she let on, which was surprising considering how much she pretended not to care about her ex. He cleared his throat, taking her hand. "Samus, we are going to fix this, okay? We'll find a way."

"Are you going to turn yourselves in instead?" She seethed.

Ike looked around at his friends. "Well, I don't-"

"Fuck you," she yanked her hand away. "Cowards, all of you! This guy selflessly helps you all out and you just abandon him like this? Remind me why I ever hung out with you?" She shoved Ike out of her way and headed back out.

As she stomped through the halls, she kept thinking: why _was_ she ever friends with them? Her life was so much less complicated when she hid in the suit and never talked to anyone. Now she felt betrayed and hopeless beyond repair. She was still broken after catching Pit with his tongue down that pale bitch's throat. She would never have experienced that feeling if she never spent time with him. And these other losers were worse. They only cared about themselves. This innocent guy lay down on the line for them, and they barely considered helping him so long as they got nothing more than a slap on the wrist. What assholes.

Well, Samus was going to fix this. She hated being here anyways. Friends, relationships – none of it was worth it. Pit didn't deserve to be kicked out. He actually liked it here. He would be happier here. And he would be happier with her gone. He could freely make out with whatever hot chick he came across. Whatever. Samus didn't care.

Samus entered Master Hand's office without even knocking and slammed her fists on his desk. "Master Hand!" She shouted. "I want a meeting right now!"

"Okay, okay!" Master Hand came over. "Listen, we are swamped with all this paperwork for Pit's departure. I really cannot focus on anything else now."

"This is about Pit." She grit her teeth at him. "He didn't do it."

"What? But we have eyewitness reports from multiple brawlers that he was seen leaving grounds and coming back with contraband."

"It was my idea. Not his."

Master Hand was taken aback. "What? You?"

"Yeah. I told him to do it. I made him do it. He was trying to win me back or something. It wasn't his fault. He doesn't even use that stuff."

Master Hand studied her carefully. "Do you understand what this means, Miss Aran?"

She nodded. "Yeah. And I'm willing to take whatever punishment you'll give me. Just don't kick out Pit. It's not his fault."

"I've already begun to process his termination-"

"So un-process him!" She was growing frustrated. "Who cares?"

He sighed. "Miss Aran, you have been with us since the beginning. I hate to say it, but…Pit is a bit more expendable. Maybe this is for the best."

Her jaw dropped. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. You too? No way. No!" She resisted the urge to punch him. "Keep Pit! He is innocent! Kick me out instead!"

"Fine!" Master Hand gave up. "Fine! I'm sick and tired of hearing about this! Ever since I enacted these damn rules, it's just been paperwork and your little group of friends complaining…it's just not enjoyable anymore!"

Samus rolled her eyes. She didn't want to listen. She just wanted to go.

"You. Pack your things. Get out of here by the morning. Go tell Pit he can stay."

She clenched her jaw shut, biting the inside of her cheek nervously. "I…I have to tell him?"

"I assume you want to."

"You do it. I have to pack."

* * *

Samus was in her room, throwing random shit into bags. She never knew why people bothered to decorate their rooms. It was so much easier to leave if you had just clothes. She felt numb since talking to Master Hand. Should she be upset? Happy? All she could focus on was making sure the closet was empty. Allowing herself to think was too dangerous.

She heard a knock on her door. Should she even bother answering? Whatever. It was her last day. She went to the door and opened it.

"Samus." Pit stood there, wringing his hands in distress.

She immediately closed the door.

"Wait!" He stuck his foot out, blocking it, then stepped into her room. "Please, please, can we talk?"

"Go away." She returned to her suitcase.

"No, I can't." He walked closer to her. "Why did you do that?"

"I didn't do shit."

"You did! But why?" He pleaded. "I was ready to go! I was already packing!"

She shot her head towards him. "What?"

"I…I made my peace with it. And honestly, it was kind of a blessing in disguise." He looked around at the bare walls. "I can't stand being here anymore."

She now stood up from kneeling by her bag. "You…but you didn't do anything wrong!"

"I kind of did," he shrugged. "I didn't have to agree to do delivery. But I did."

She ran her hands through her hair, trying to think. "What? But don't you want to stay? All your stupid friends are here!"

He shook his head. "It sucks here. It's sucked since we got back."

"No!" She was incredulous. "You like this place! I hate it! I wanted to go!"

"I used to like this place, but not anymore. Everyone is so…"

"Selfish?" She finished.

"Selfish, yeah," he smiled a little. "Everyone is in their own worlds. I got kind of screwed over. And there was just no one for me to talk to."

"How, Pit?" She asked. "Everyone loves you. You're so sweet. How is there no one for you to talk to?"

He sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I just didn't want to talk to anyone myself. Maybe I just wanted to talk to one person, but she didn't want anything to do with me."

Samus stepped back. Oh. "I still don't," she looked away.

He pursed his lips. "I miss you, Sam."

"Please," she hugged her arms over her chest. "Don't do this."

"I have to," he reached out and touched her arm. "I still don't get why you left. I don't get why you're mad. I don't get why you don't even want to talk!" He looked into her eyes. "You said you fell for me."

She closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to see. "I didn't know what I was saying."

"But I do." He pointed to himself. "I know you care about me. Otherwise, why would you do that? Why would you go get yourself kicked out?"

"Because you don't deserve to leave! I do!"

"But you had nothing to do with it!"

"It's better than you going! You'll be happier here!"

"I won't! Not without you!"

"How? How don't you hate seeing me here?"

"I can't hate that! I love you, Samus! Don't you get it?"

Samus burst into tears. She couldn't help it. She covered her face and sobbed. His words caused such a reaction in her that she couldn't control it. All of the feelings she had been bottling up just exploded.

Pit hugged her right away, placing his hand behind her head to draw her closer. He shushed her, kissing the top of her head and stroking her hair. He couldn't even bother to enjoy the feeling of having her near again. He just wanted her to be okay again.

"Why did you leave, Sam?" He whispered. "I've missed you every day."

"Because of this," she pushed back from him. "This isn't me."

"Forget about that! Who cares what you're supposed to be?"

"I care! I'm not going to be this perfect, loving, happy family girlfriend for you!"

"But that's not what I want! I want you!" He took her face in his hands. "I love how you are. I love that you're kind of…crass and tough and that you like to be alone. It means so much to me that you let me into your life and your space."

She let out a bitter laugh. Was he being serious? He liked…that?

"Yeah, I like that," he grinned, answering her unasked question. "It's part of your charm."

She tried to stifle her smile. "I don't have charm."

"Well…something like that."

She laughed. She couldn't help it. She sat down on top of her suitcase and laughed.

He watched her for a bit, totally confused, but then burst into a huge smile.

"What is wrong with you?" She wiped her eyes as she looked back at him. "I'm terrible to you!"

"Hey, it's worth it." He beamed, then got down on his knees in front of her, taking her hands. "All I know is that I've been happier in these past few minutes than any other time since coming back. You make me so happy, Sam."

"Not the Wii Fit trainer?" She asked hesitantly.

He shook his head. "That was a mistake. All I care about is you." He stroked her fingers with his thumb. "Tell me you were kidding about Ike."

"We just…made out," she glanced away. "It was stupid. We were high."

He sighed, looking down. That still hurt to hear.

"I'm sorry," she took his face. "I really am. And I'm sorry I smashed up that scotch. That was an amazing, amazing gift." She felt herself tearing up again. "I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry I didn't explain things. I'm sorry I avoided you. I'm sorry I-"

She was shut up with a hard kiss from Pit. He kissed her as forcefully as he could, wanting to let her know he still loved her and that he forgave her. She wouldn't even pull apart to breathe, too scared that this would all end if they separated.

But he had the same worry. He clutched her close as he took a breath, then went right back for another kiss. Now she smiled against his lips. My God, she missed this. This really was all she wanted. His kiss sent those same shivers down her spine as when they started dating. Even he was smiling. Rosalina and the trainer felt nothing like this. His stomach was all a-flutter and his heart was thumping loudly. This was right.

When Pit felt her fingers caress the back of his neck, he instantly wanted more. He slipped his tongue into her mouth and inhaled sharply, breathing in that sweet, familiar scent of her so close. This was the only girl he wanted to be with. That he loved her made him want her more. No one else.

She stopped kissing him, then looked nervously into his eyes.

"What is it?" He breathed, brushing back her hair.

"Should we keep going?"

He glanced down for a second. "Up to you."

"What do you want?"

"You. Forever. Just you."

She smiled shyly. "Well, it is my last night." She stood up and took his hand, leading him to the bed.

Pit was beyond excited, and it showed. Samus giggled as she saw him awkwardly lowering his other hand between his legs to cover himself, causing him to redden tremendously. But it made her happy to see he still wanted her so much.

Within moments, the two were in each other's arms, kissing even more furiously. Their shirts were off and Samus's hair was down. Neither wanted to go further quite yet, as they were enjoying each other too much.

Finally, Pit's lips trailed down her neck to her chest. Oh, he definitely missed this. He kissed the tops of her breasts, then lifted his head to kiss her lips again. He couldn't pick one spot. He missed all of her.

His kisses trailed lower and lower until he reached the curve of her stomach, where he brushed his lips against the milky skin.

She covered her mouth, writhing a little underneath him.

He stopped kissing her, then looked up curiously. "You okay?"

She nodded, covering her whole face now.

Slowly, with his eye still on her, Pit began grazing his lips over her stomach again. He heard a small, hitched sound coming from her mouth, and he sat up completely, reaching up to remove her hands.

Samus was cracking up, turning onto her side to bury her face in a pillow.

"What's so funny?" He was smiling at her. Damn, he missed hearing her laugh in bed. "Tell me!"

"Nothing!"

Suddenly, he remembered. A sly grin took over his features. "Oh, right, you're ticklish," his fingers hovered over her stomach.

"No, don't!" She begged.

He bent down over her to tickle her stomach, making Samus laugh uncontrollably and kick her legs at him. He was laughing too, showering her face with kisses as he tortured her. He planted a particularly deep kiss on her face, causing her to melt and wrap her arms around his neck.

Pit stopped tickling her, choosing instead to hold her by the sides. He felt her grinding up against him, and he groaned against her lips.

"Pit…" she moaned, wrapping her one of her legs around his waist.

He kissed her again, urging her to keep yearning for him.

"Please…"

He paused, noticing that even he was starting to rock against her hips. "Do you want…?"

"Yes," she pleaded. "I want you. I miss you."

He blushed a little, "I was going to go down on you."

She smiled, "You're so sweet." She kissed him. "But that's not what I want."

He tilted his head slightly. "What do you want?"

"You," she whispered. "Inside me."

He greedily kissed her again, rushing to push down his pants and hers. She lifted her legs, opening them wide so he could get between them. He wrapped his arms around her back, closing his mouth around hers in time as he ground his hips against her until he found her entrance.

When Pit thrust in, Samus arched her back up with a gasp, clutching onto him tightly. Oh, she missed this feeling. He filled her just right. The look on his face was utter bliss as he lazily gazed into her eyes through his thick eyelashes. How had she gone so long without him?

Even Pit himself was reeling with pleasure, elated that he could finally have her again. He was torn between kissing her and simply looking at her. That hot, wet velvet surrounding him as he slowly fucked her brought him back to all the times they were together before Thanksgiving. The emotion was too much for him, and he needed to be even closer to her. He kissed her deeply, but paused as he felt irritated by the material of her bra against his skin. She could tell, and reached behind her to unhook it and throw it off. He quickly gave her breasts small kisses before taking her hands, lacing his own fingers with hers against the mattress. Now their chests and bodies could come together fully.

Samus felt that all-too-familiar tingle rising up her body before long, squeezing her legs around him more to heighten her pleasure. Her moan peaked in a cry as the orgasm quickly overcame her, her shaking legs dropping beside him. The tightening convulsions of her pussy overwhelmed Pit as well, and he came right after her.

She immediately caught his lips in one more long kiss. "I love you," she confessed as her feelings for him bubbled over. "I really love you."

He beamed, burying his face in the crook of her neck. "I love you too," he murmured, "so, so much."

"We can't do that again," she sniffled, fighting back tears.

"What?" He panicked, looking down between their bodies. "This?"

"No, dumbass," she rolled her eyes, chuckling bitterly. "Break up."

"Oh, definitely," he laughed. "You can't leave me."

"Or what? You're gonna kick my ass?" She teased.

"I will," he lay close next to her. "And then maybe kiss it."

"Pit!" She laughed, her face flushing.

He grinned and kissed her again. "Really, Sam, are we good now? Because I can't lose you again."

She nodded. "I can't either."

"You're not worried about that family stuff?"

"Well, that's part of you, right? And…well, I love you. So I love that part of you too."

He sighed happily, falling back on the pillow in joy. "Yeah. Yeah, I love you too. This is going to be amazing."

* * *

Samus and Pit truly thought that would be their last night together in a while, but it wasn't. Unbeknownst to them, the swordsmen finally fessed up to Master Hand. The boss almost went as crazy as his brother upon hearing the news, not even sure anymore who was involved and who wasn't. He decided instead to suspend the swordsmen for a while, but allow them to come back after a few weeks. Upon their return, Master Hand got rid of the new rules, realizing they caused more trouble than they were worth. Well, parties and long trips were still not allowed, but the brawlers found that fair enough.

The season ended successfully enough, and soon, the friends found each other together again, chilling in the main hall and watching everyone leave for the year.

"Did you ever hit that, Pit?" Ike asked as he watched the Wii Fit trainer avoid the group while leaving.

"Uh, no," Pit reddened. "I honestly didn't even talk to her after…I'm sure she hates me."

"Good," Samus put her legs up on the table in front of her. "I hate her."

"Hey, you won," Pit tapped her nose. "No reason to hate."

"I still hate her."

Link sighed loudly, looking over at his girlfriend. "We should probably get going."

"A couple more minutes." Zelda rest her head on his shoulder. "I'm going to miss everyone."

"What are you guys doing over the off-season?" Peach asked.

"Traveling," Zelda smiled. "We are going to explore all of Hyrule. I can't wait."

"Aren't you sick of each other?" Ike frowned.

"Hardly," Link put his arm around her. "Actually, I do worry she'll grow tired of me. I don't have much to talk about."

"I just like having you nearby," she kissed him.

"Gross," Ike stuck out his tongue. "I'm glad I can get away from all these couples."

"What are you up to, huh?" Marth asked.

Ike leaned back against the couch. "I am going to travel myself. Not for fun, though. Just…need to get away. Take care of some unfinished business."

Peach was listening intently, saddened a little by his plans.

"Need some time alone, huh?" Marth nodded. "I feel you. You coming to my wedding, though, right?"

"Yeah, buddy," Ike grinned. "Gonna be wild."

"Wow, are we invited?" Zelda raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe. I want a sweet gift, though."

A large group of Mushroom Kingdom brawlers entered the main hall, gathering in preparation to leave. Peach sighed. That was her cue. She was kind of looking forward to leave. It just hadn't been good there since Ike dumped her. She pretty much only got along with Zelda. But who could blame anyone?

"If it isn't the troublemakers," Rosalina walked by, placing her hands on her hips. "Here to ruin something else for us?"

"You're one to talk," Pit mumbled quietly. Only Samus heard, and she practically cackled.

"Want a beer?" Marth extended a peace offering.

"Pass," she lifted her hand. "I do want something else, though." She sauntered over to Ike, perching proudly on the couch next to him. "It's our last day. We might as well."

Ike looked her over, considering it. "Nah. I'm done with princesses."

She traced a finger up and down his muscular arm. "You'd be surprised."

"Pass," he lifted his hand.

Rosalina scowled, standing up, absolutely red in the face. "I bet you're just as bad as Marth anyways!"

"Whoa, hey!" Marth had to step in. "That wasn't my fault."

"Man, of course you can't please a woman," Link joked.

Bowser Jr. bounded towards the group, hopping up into Peach's lap. "Dad says it's time to go!"

"Oh, does he?" Peach smoothed back his little tuft of hair. "I need some more time to say goodbyes."

"I want to go now!"

She placed him down on the floor, urging him to return, then stood up herself. "Alright, everyone. I guess this is goodbye from me."

Zelda hugged her tightly, kissing her cheeks. "I'll miss you! Call me as much as you can!"

"I'll try," she smiled warmly at her friend. "Bye, you guys." She waved at the others.

Link and Pit hugged her as well. Samus and the Alteans eyed each other, not bothering to get up. Peach noticed and simply nodded towards them. As she grabbed her bag and turned to leave, she stopped, looking back at Ike. "I'm sorry, again. I wish it didn't end that way."

Ike shook his head. "I wish it didn't either."

Peach looked over the group one more time: The glum mercenary. The nonchalant prince. The Hylian soulmates. And the polar opposites. How they had all changed from the year prior. How she had changed. Wasn't she supposed to end up with Ike, finding love like the others had? It really ended terribly for her. She only hoped the future would be brighter.

Princess Toadstool held her head up high and followed the bouncing little Koopa back to his father. Maybe this was how things were supposed to be. A hostage and her captor. Nothing more.

"Bowser," Peach laced her greeting with malice, dropping her bags in front of him.

He growled under his breath, but picked them up. "Let's go."

"My castle or yours?" She asked. "And you better give me phone privileges."

"What right do you have to make demands?"

"Every right."

He said nothing, following her out as their son circled them playfully. Once they were outside, he finally spoke up. "Your castle. But I'm still staying in your room."

Her step nearly faltered. "What?"

His expression remained fierce, but his eyes were twinkling.

"I thought we were done."

"We're never done, Princess."

"Then what was all that?" She motioned back to the house. "You gave me the cold shoulder for months!"

"It was your punishment. But now I'm over it. And I expect to share a bed with you when we get back."

"Ha, no. Fuck you if you think that." Peach rolled her eyes. "Fuck you for toying with my emotions like-"

She was interrupted as Bowser captured her in a powerful kiss. She was shocked, tempted to just push him away. But instead, she succumbed too easily, pulling herself in and kissing him back.

"Ew!" Bowser Jr. made a disgusted sound as he hopped by.

The two separated, smiling a little at the young Koopa. Bowser lifted her chin up to look at her. "Am I still toying with your emotions?"

"Yeah," she frowned a little. "I don't know what you want."

He tilted his head a bit. "Isn't it obvious? I love you, Princess. It's going to be you and me forever. I just like to give you a hard time."

Peach felt a rush of shivers running through her body. She couldn't help but smile wide, and bit her lip to suppress it. "You don't mean that. You're evil. You can't love."

"Well, I do. And you love me. And now we're going to go back to your castle to be a family."

"I'm still your hostage."

"Isn't that what you like?"

She smirked, "Yes."

"You better not talk to that fucking mercenary ever again."

"You better not leave me to take over the world."

He grinned, taking her hand. "So we have a deal?"

Peach kissed him again, solidifying it. Yeah, this was the future she wanted all along. That little experiment was nothing compared to this. She could have her happy ending now, along with her friends, even beyond the Smash Mansion.

* * *

 **The. End.**

 **I know it was kind of convenient/cheesy, but hey, it's a fic. And I wanted to tie up loose ends. At least most everyone got a happy ending! Poor Ike, though. My main goal was to get Pit and Samus back together, and after experiencing love irl, I realized ending fights is easier than it seems. And tbh I always loved PeachxBowser, so that was fanservice for me.**

 **Hope you all enjoyed and thank you for reading! I will probably be done with Smash fics for now. If I write more, it'll be Star Wars, and more of a serious vibe. Keep in touch!**


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